Halloween Memories

                   http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=0thH3qnHTbI      It is Halloween Eve here in Texas and we are getting some much needed rain.  I am having fun listening to loud random thunder claps while crazy, zigzag, lightening bolts Dr. Frankenstein would cheer for illuminate my part of the big Texas sky and give me glimpses of night things not used to being seen in my brushy yard.  Once again my memories transport me back to the 1970's and I dwell for a moment on family preparations for Trick or Treat night and all the fun going door to door with my family and neighboorhood friends.  Our church for a time had a Fall Festival which included bobbing for apples, costume contest and even a haunted house which was an upstairs room with all sorts of fun 'scarey' stations like sticking our hands in spagetthi and calling it goblin guts.   The Haunted House part was later phased out as the church ladies decided 'church' probably was not the place to scare children and rightly so I suppose.   Although I have only good memories and I kinda liked to have a reason to scream cause then a cute church boy might possibly feel compelled to 'save' me and you know...all that silly boy-girl stuff.   I had so much fun last Saturday in my old stomping grounds, Flour Bluff at Barton Street Pub.  I got to see Janis Joplin, John Lennon sing karyoke with a video of the beetles behind him,  a female Beetlejuice that sang a great Time Warp,  the cutest Strawberry Shortcake ever and she even had natural red hair,  and the scariest, so real I hope it truly was a costume, Grim Reaper that stayed in character the entire time.  I steered clear of him just to be on the safe side.  It is now after midnight so Happy Halloween!   I am gonna dance and sing to the Monster Mash right here in my living room.  kisses  

Till We All Get to Heaven

It is Saturday night and the weather is changing here in my small Texas town.  Relief from the Summer heat is blowing in with our first 'norther' of the season.  I am thankful for the change but this last week was full of unwelcome life changes for the employees of our small Texas town, one and only, super friendly, locally owned, and operated,  dry cleaners, where I happen to be currently employed. Monday we learned, Johnny, the super duper fix it man had a horrible car accident and was in critical condition in a San Antonio hospital. Johnny was one of those people that never met a stranger and just had the most open and helpful spirit about him. Wednesday morning the brother of one of our co-workers was tragically hit and killed while crossing a drveway. So sad. Then we found out it had been concluded there was no hope for Johnny's recovery and he was to be taken off life support that day.  So much tragedy and sadness in a few days time. So many lives forever altered.  That awful empty, pit of my stomach feeling has not gone away. 
My mind wanders back to August, it was one of the few 100 degree days, the air conditioning went out in the lobby where I work. Johnny not only came in on his own time to get the air going again, he went to Sonic and bought me a cherry limeade cause he said " you look hot and I know girls like those kind of drinks".  I was dripping sweat! That was so nice of him and I wish it was not the first time I had the privilege of meeting him.  The world lost a kind and giving soul Wednesday. We need more people like Johnny.
Sunday starts a new week.  Our co-worker that lost his brother will still be grieving and we will feel for him too, hugs and words of sympathy. What else can we do? Never seems like enough. Life is full of changes and sometimes the changes suck! I guess we will not understand till like that old Sunday Hymn says, by Eliza E Hewitt,  ' till we all get to heaven, what a day of rejoicing that will be'.
kisses

Bad for Them, Good for Us

The past few days remnants of Hurricane Manuel blessed us with rain showers followed by scattered sprinkles with torrential traffic stopping cloud bursts that actually filled up gutters and caused streets to resemble muddy rapids here in south central Texas.  Rain is a good thing. Unfortunately it has been so dry the road rivers and sudden yard ponds  ment for tadpoles and puddle jumping youngsters disappeared within the hour as our thirsty Texas soil soaked up a good 3 inches with one big gulp and asked for more.  Mexico on the other hand is devastated. What was bad for them is good for us.  I guess once again proving some good can come from even the worst weather, or something like that! Have a great Sunday, church day.  kisses

Perplexing Adult Talk

Watch "Teach the children well ( with lyrics) - Crosby Stills" on YouTube

Good morning! It is a sunny, hot, end of the 5 day work week, school week and the very first Friday in September 2013.  Do you remember when you were a child wondering about adults and feeling especially perplexed about how they communicated?    I remember my Mom, trying to explain how she knew what we were up to, telling us she had eyes in the back of her head. I could not wait to grow up and be a Mom so I could have eyes in the back of my head. I was more than a little disappointed when I realized the 'eyes' she spoke of were metaphorical.   I think the worst was when I was in the middle of a group of ladies talking about how one of them had 'lost' their baby. I was horrified. How could we all be at this dinner party casually cooking and talking? I wanted to run right outside and start looking.  Why wasn't everyone looking for her lost baby and how in the world did she even lose her baby in the first place? When I burst into tears my Mom apologized and explained to me, in age appropriate language,about miscarriage. I cried again.
Gheez!  How will I ever learn all this stuff and why do adults have to talk so different anyway?  
I guess I did and adults still do.  So it goes. Have a happy, sunshine, funtime Friday. 

Thank you Heather for the pic of your beautiful daughter. Amazing how all that personality fits in such a small package!

When Nightness Lasts Too Long-Turn on the Light!

Happy hump day, Wednesday, smack dab in the middle of the week day.  The sunshine was knocking so loud on my living room windows I just had to throw back the sheets that are nailed above and watch with wonder as lovely happy, morning light playfully chased out last traces of nightness.  I know it might sound silly but the concept that you cannot turn darkness on and off has always been amazing to me. In fact I have read Genesis 1:3 Then God said, "Let there be light", and there was light. (The New King James Version) about a million times.  Maybe it is the same concept God means for us to apply to our own life.  Maybe God wonders why we mere mortals  spend precious time trying not to do, not to be judgemental, not feel anger towards our neighbor, not to over eat, over sleep, or taking steps to stop undesireable habits. I  wonder if He just ment for us all along to simply be kind, be a blessing to others, think good thoughts, focus on the positive, the upside, the bright side, have a little faith.  kisses

Both Sides Now

Watch "Joni Mitchell - Both Sides Now (Live, 1970)" on YouTube
My Dad bought a red and black 6 string acoustic guitar, in the early 1970's,  for $12 from Gibsons, a long gone discount store in Corpus Christi, Texas.  His desire at the time was to learn to play  but a preacher with a full time job, young children and wife with an infinite honey do list had no time for such things.  I thought that instrument protected by the corrigated cardboard box it came in was beautiful.  I opened it up and softly strummed every chance I got.  I suppose Dad realized one day or just kinda made the choice that guitar lessons for him were too far down on the list of priorities. I was so excited my wildest dream had come true the day he told me I could take guitar lessons.  If I practised and kept it up he would give me his beautiful red and black acoustic guitar.  It makes me a little sad to think about now.   I loved playing and could figure out the chords to most any song.  I had a guitar cause Dad let go of his dream to play for his church.  His God,  family, friends, neighbors,  had to be tended to first.  I could pick out chords and even wrote a few of my own songs because the nice hippie college student next door patiently taught me how, only to have his life cut tragically short attempting to bring his friends some marijuana, a stupid plant that relieves nausea, causes random giggles, inner peace and makes a great rope.  I remember like it was yesterday sitting indian style on my twin bed, my long hair parted down the middle and braided,  in the room I shared with my sister, matching flower power sheets, struming my guitar, singing Joni Mitchel's song, Both Sides Now, to the life size Bobby Sherman poster taped to the back of our bedroom door. 
Fast forward several decades and  it feels a little surreal to say out loud I have a granddaughter the same age I was back then.  I wish I could be there with her to celebrate all of life's bountiful blessings and sheild her from the great losses that always seem to follow.  I feel like I should have great words of wisdom instead of more questions.  'It's life's illusions I recall. I really don't know life...
at all'.  

Good Night

I am not a city girl just a small town girl.  I am a country girl but not a farm girl.  My favorite address is a numbered county road far from street lights, stop lights and too many headlights.  The city can keep their services.  I do just fine with a septic tank and water well.    City friends of mine look at me with wide eyes and furroughed brows "Aren't you afraid out there by yourself?"   Well I do keep an eye out for rattlesnakes and I shake my boots to dump out the scorpions each morning.  I keep my gate closed so the occational solicitor and Jehova Witness ladies do not waste their time on this broke, Jesus loving, preacher's daughter.  I am by myself but I never feel alone.  The night sky twinkles with friendly stars.  Moonshine is my most favorite form of light.  That sort of blue mystical glow illuminates so brightly during a full moon no flashlight needed.  I call my 100 pound dog inside so momma skunk and her cute babies can hunt insects in peace. 
Day is done, gone the sun on my small world.   Good night friends. Sweet dreams. kisses
photography by Deborah Krause

Not By the Color of Your Skin

In the early 80's I was in my early 20's.  Old enough to have read about Rosa Parks in history class, heard about Martin Luther King Jr. on the evening news, lived thru school bussing although it did not affect my school district, and watched every episode of the television mini series 'Roots' which made me cry.  But it was a moment in 1981, the black/white thing, racism,  got real for me.  This was not a book I was reading, the evening news or a prime time show.  I was waiting to purchase a Coke and a hot dog smothered in homemade chilli, simmering in a crock pot on the counter of a Mom and Pop gas station, convience store, outside a small town in South Carolina. I was last in a short line, behind a white man, a white woman and in front of us all a slight young black man, about my age at the time I think.  I barely caught the cashier out of the corner of my eye wave the young man aside but  I can still hear her voice in my mind, so flat and cold "wait", she said to him, or in his general direction, he shuffled to the right, eyes on his shoes.  I was puzzled.  He must want a lot of hot dogs so she is gonna cash us out first I reasoned to myself.  The line went fast, my turn. I looked at him and said,  "You go ahead and go. I want a hot dog too". He did not look up, just mumbled something about 'she' and motioned me ahead. She said something like 'he knows' .  Which made no sense to me at all.  I made my purchase and moved slowly on the plain concrete floor towards the wooden double doors with layers of green chipped paint and that thick metal sceeen over the pane of plate glass you do not see any more,   determined to figure this out. Something was just not right.  Turns out the only thing that young man purchased was a pack of cigarretts.  I got weak, and felt kinda sick.  I had an overwhelming desire to apologize to him but he was gone.  Walked lightening fast right passed me, left the worn wooden doors swinging.  I will never be able to wrap my mind around how in my United States of America, Land of the free, Home of the Brave, the great melting pot, if your not Native American you are from somewhere else, racism was ever accepted and apparently so even in 1981.  Today is the 50th anniversary of Martin Luther King Jr's ' I Have a Dream' speech.  So much to think about.  Hope you have a great day- judged not by the color of your skin. kisses

God Bless the School Year

It is the last weekend of Summer break, vacation time,  stay up late and sleep till noontime, not having to keep up with time, that time has come and gone once again.    In the 1960's and most of the 70's school started, here in Texas anyway,  after Labor Day.   We stood beside our desk every morning, placed our hand over our heart and proudly said the pledge of allegance to our country's flag.  A prayer was said, to God, our Lord,  over the intercom, thanking Him for our many blessings and asking for a safe happy day.  Getting expelled  was rare and alternative school I do not think even existed.  The alternative was to behave or get paddled by the Principal.  We learned how to read, proper handwriting, arithmetic, art, English grammer,  and physical education.  When the classroom behavior seemed to escalate with nervous energy our wise teachers took us outside for recess. A game of Red Rover, jumping rope, or putting  a 45 record on the turntable while the whole 2nd grade made a long line around the square to do the Bunny Hop was just the ticket.  I know times have changed for good, bad or indifferent.  I just want young people to know how it was, the way we were, and that it was good.  God bless the new school year. kisses

No Time for TV

It is the night before Friday night.  Friday eve!  I am watching my flat screen digital TV with rabbit ears statigically perched on a bar stool and a carton of salt supporting the wire for optimal reception.  I have said before I refuse to pay for TV.  I think my money should be spent on things with some meaning or actual necessities.  Most of TV is just so mindless and seems to encourage complacency.  When I was a teenager and later as a young Mother I knew what time it was by what show was on television.  I watched daytme soap opras from 11am till the last one ended at 3pm.  One day it just dawned on me my fun little children were growing up fast.  They were entertaining themselves while I tuned them out to be part of a fantasy world.  What was I thinking?  Well, that is just it I was not thinking at all and teaching my precious, smart children to do the same.  I stopped watching or caring about all those soaps and spent the Summer taking my children and any neighbor young ones that could get permission to the park.  Not just any park but Landa park in New Braunfels, Texas. There was a river, glassbottom boat, paddle boats, swimming, playgrounds, lots of wildlife and a wonderful train that circled the park. We all rode it at least once a week. Money well spent.  We made fun memories.  My girls now take my grandchildren to the local park and I hope those neighbor children I lost touch with do the same for their little ones. Summer break is almost over for this year.  Hope you had some fun...in a park! kisses

VBS

Happy hump day, Wednesday, blazing bright blue sky,  middle of the week day.  Birds are busy taking care of bird business and insects are creating a new harmonic organic rock opra just for me!  Two weeks out of every Summer in the late 1960's and early 1970's the ladies of Bethany Christian Church in Corpus Christi, Texas put their heart, soul and lots of elbow grease into  preparing  age appropriate Bible lessons, (my favorite was the book of Ruth. The book of Job I thought was horrifying and not age appropriate for anyone!) organizing volunteer, groovy, teenagers to keep the young ones busy with games like Duck, Duck  Goose, preparing daily homemade church lady fancy sandwiches, car pools and clean up for the once a year Vacation Bible School.  I think now it would be referred to as church day camp.  Back then there were enough stay at home Mom's and Grandmothers to pull off such a huge wonderful blessing for all the neighborhood children.   Most of those ladies have passed on and I believe are enjoying lots of jewels in their crowns.  I still remember those Bible verses...well some of them.  I sure do treasure the memories.  kisses
Photography by Deborah Krause

I Don't Like Lizards & Snakes

It is trippy Tuesday and another sweaty hot, 100 and something degree Summer day here in Texas.  Yesterday one of those long lizards that resemble a snake scuttled under the door of the store I work in,  as a  male customer entered.  He was nice enough to let me know and point it out.  It was wriggling snake like along the wall and I reacted like I have since I was a little girl. I screamed and tried to jump up on the counter.  ( picture it- I am 50 something)  Thank God he was a nice country man and offered to help me sweep Mr. snakey lizard back outdoors.  He took the broom from me with a chuckle since every time I got close and the lizard went to running I went to screaming and jumping around.  I thanked him for making my work environment once again safe and scream free. We both got a laugh.  I have given up even trying not to act terrified by lizards and snakes. My screams and avoidance reactions just seem to be involuntary.  But I think it is kinda fun to know the opposite sex no matter what age never tire of getting a kick out of it.    Like Mom always said, " Steffie, boys and girls are very different".  
Hope you have a terrific, trippy Tuesday!   kisses

Unkind Grade School Stuff

Happy super sweaty hot, sunshine Summer far out, Friday. I have noticied the last few years network news uses stories of grade school kids being unkind to each other with increasing frequency.  I remember such stuff happening even in my small friendly school.  In 6th grade this one girl had a bad odor and the boys would make embarrassing comments just loud enough for her to hear. I felt bad for her. I hope I never joined in that behavior. I do not remember ever doing it. Anyway, I decided to try and be friends with her.  She actually invited me over so I rode the school bus home with her one day.  Turns out she lived in a small, run down,  not air-conditioned,  apartment with her Mom.  She seemed relieved to confide in me they had no place to wash clothes. Her Mom was at work the whole time I was there.  This sweet friendly girl came home every day with no Mom to greet her or have dinner and she had to wear dirty clothes.  I think if the boys knew that they would not have teased her.  She swore me to secrecy about her situation.  She moved away shortly after and I sometimes think of her and I so hope she grew up and has a nice comfortable life.  I hope you are having a comfortable, fun, sunshine Friday.  kisses

Bronco

It is a happy hump day, middle of the week day and last day of July.  When I was about 5 years old my Dad came home from work with a little Spanish goat.  He told Mom he got him to help keep the grass trimmed.  I do not think Mom was buying it but I was so excited she just gave Dad that furrowed brow, pinched lips look which I think ment Dad was in trouble.  Years later he confided in me that he saw 2 men bargining in the parking lot after work. The poor little thing was being sold for a barbecue.  He said he knew I would want to save that black and white baby goat so he did it for me, payed all of 10 dollars to save his life.  He named him Bronco and I loved him.  Flour Bluff was country rural back then and it was not unusual for neighbors to have chickens or even a horse in the yard but I was the only one on the block with a goat.  Bronco was great fun. He loved attention and would climb up on rocks, jump off and do a big twist in the air.  I think he must have been kidnapped from a family of circus goats.  One sad Summer day AnnaMarie, she lived next door, said Bronco was on the ground not moving.  He had passed on to the place beloved neighborhood circus goats go when life on earth is done. I cried and cried. All the neighborhood children gathered when Dad got home, for the funeral and burial.  Bronco was a good goat!  I hope you enjoy today all day long.  kisses

Free to Be Me

It is just another Manic Monday.  It was kinda rough going the last two weeks.  More changes just when I thought I could settle in and cruise a bit.  Silly me.  I was thinking about how life over fifty is so very different from how I had imagined and tried to plan for.  What is it that keeps me feeling a little off my center, perplexed?  I have all this alone time now and while I do enjoy my privacy I have this feeling or sense of quiet urgency, like there is something I should be doing but I do not know what it is. It struck me after a conversation this morning. I am finally free to be me!  Free to pursue my passion. Wow, what an epiphany, light bulb over the head, the puzzle piece I was missing.  Now I just gotta figure out what my favorite passion is cause I love doing lots of stuff.  Deep thoughts! Just has me all worn out.  Sweet passionate dreams to you full of fun stuff and new horizons. kisses

West Texas Driving

It is a cricket chirping, song bird singing, blue sky beautiful, sunny Sunday morning.  My digital flat sceeen TV connected to rabbit ears balanced on a wooden bar stool on top of a table has a great picture to watch my favorite weekly show, Texas Country Reporter.  Bob Phillips is talking about Van Horn, Texas.  I have been there! Well, driven thru it lots of times.  Every now and then I hear someone speaking with dread about the drive thru west Texas. I love driving thru west Texas!  I never get tired of the wide open spaces, hill country rocky terrain and all those ginormous windmills that seem like something out of a science fiction film.  Scattered miles between small towns and so far off the road a single home, surrounded by brush and boulders gives me that wistful, far away feeling. Since the speed limit out there is 80mph wistful does not last long. One of my favorite distractions are all the small towns so full of history and charm.  I spent a whole afternoon once in Pecos going thru the West of the Pecos Museum.  The only thing I find really upsetting about driving thru west Texas is the massive number of dead deer, in various states of decay all along the highway.  Can't they tell their friends?? Do deer absoutely not communicate with each other?  I gotta get busy outside before it gets too hot. Hope you have a great day. kisses

Granny's Sweet Peas

I have heard 'sweet pea' used as a term of endearment, one of those pet nick names your Aunt or your Mom's best friend might call you. Popeye, if you are old enough to remember the cartoon, had charge of a baby he named Sweet Pea.  Well,  my Granny planted them every year in the carefully prepared soil along both sides of she and PawPaw's backyard chainlink fence.  Granny's annual sweet pea crop was a source of great pride for her and the meticulous preparation, planting all the way to harvesting the seeds was a family event with Granny as the unquestioned director.   I  remember my younger sister, brother, and I digging little holes,  dropping in seeds and how it was so amazing to see green vines push thru the soil, wrap around and climb the chainlink fence, to finally  change into the colorful fragrant flowers.  Every Sunday while the sweet peas were in bloom,  Granny had us out in the yard wearing our church clothes, cutting fresh bouquets to take to 'the shut ins' after Sunday Services and give to our Sunday School teachers, and the list went on and on. I thought Granny was famous  because strangers would even walk up to us in the yard or knock on the door wanting bouquets of sweet peas.  If you have never seen sweet peas they are beautiful very brightly colored flowers. One bouquet will fill a room with its sweet pleasant aroma.  My Granny grew them as she loved beauty and sharing with others.  Hope you are having a super sunny Summer.  kisses

Blackey

Good Morning! I hope you are having a Sunny Sunday, church day, first day of a new week day. When I was 6, or 7 maybe even 8 years old I begged and pleaded with my parents to let me keep the stray, jet black, do not let it cross your path, half grown cat I had been sneaking food to for weeks. I never thought she was an ordinary feline as we connected on some telepathic,  short haired,  kitty cat to young, human girl child born with enormous empathy for all God's creatures, level.  My practical parents were in agreement-no cats!  I started praying as surely the Almighty would want this extraordinary kitty to have a good home. I believe my plea was heard  and God sent a flood just short of Noah's Ark epic proportions, truely there was a small boat trolling down our flooded street.  My practical Mom, pulled on a raincoat, tucked her baby fine pin curls into a rain bonnet, snaped on her galoshes, grabbed an old towel and bravely went out in the torential rain storm, sloshing in our flooded back yard to save the stray kitty.  Now I was scared for my Mom.  No worries, she rescued the soggy, half drowned, fur ball, who had taken refuge under the backyard playhouse, the space she occupied rapidly filling with muddy rain water.  When I excitedly rattled off the whole story to Dad he and Mom exchanged 'that look' and he said "Well, I guess we have a cat now".  Blackie lived till I was 21.  I am not sure how old that is in dog years but I am thankful for all the years our family got to enjoy her. Hope your day is the cat's meow. kisses

Family Vacation

Happy sunshine, cricket singing, frog croking Friday.  It is prime travel and tourist season here in Texas.  My Dad took our family on a vacation every year.  Sometimes winter trips to the mountains of New Mexico or Summer in Colorado.  Not that we had much money.  Mom was an expert travel planner and Dad picked up overtime, did his own vehicle maintance, just whatever it took for our annual travel adventure to happen.  My Dad was so smart and practical and always made sure his family was comfortable. Us kids would crack up when he took the Family size Banquet Frozen Fried Chicken out of the ice chest, wrapped it in foil, popped the hood on the Rambler, placed it on the motor and down the road we went.  Texas has some beautiful rest areas and I think I have eaten Banquet Fried Chicken at most of them.  I was on a day trip recently and we stopped at a scenic view rest area off  US Hwy 83 just outside Leakey. Standing under the tin roof that reflects at least some of the Texas Summer sunshine heat from the concrete picnic table, I was transported back to the 1970's.  My brother, sister and I tumbling out of our family camper, wearing homemade cotton shorts and cowboy boots, making a bee line for the guardrail, ignoring for a moment the 'Mommy noises' muffled by highway traffic and childhood selective hearing.  The view from that ledge of the Texas hill country took our breath away and still does for me.  Lots of vacation memories I will save for another day. Have a super  sunshine Friday. kisses

Not Broken

It is the end of my Wednesday, hump day, middle of the week day. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed with what I wonder is just usual life stuff for others. I know I do not handle emotional turmoil very well. I like to see the good in everyone. If I only acknowledge the positive, that is what I will get in return. I feel like I am getting 'centered' and focused on my future.  I spend time trying to understand cause if I know the 'why' then I can fix it. It is slowly dawning on me I cannot fix anyone, even if I love them because maybe they are not exactly broken. Maybe, there are just some people that do not belong in my world, in my space, or in my heart. Let them go. I need my peace, happiness and trust. Life is what you make it! That is my week so far. Hope your rest of the week is super awesome. kisses

Questions Unanswered

It is another Manic Monday, work day, summer school day and I hope a great day to start the week for you.  When I was around 12 or 13 my Mom payed the nice hippie college student next door to teach me how to play the guitar. She figured he could since the whole neighborhood was treated to his electric guitar solos most afternoon's. It was the 70's and I thought he was so cool with his long straight hair, peaceful demeanor, and his use of words like 'man', 'groovy', and 'far out'. He was a great musician and a patient teacher as it turned out. He was home for Summer break from the University of Texas in Austin. His Dad was lifetime military and his parents only child. I of course had a little crush on him. He was just great at teaching my awkward fingers where to go, made it fun by making up tunes and never once showed any impatience. I became friends with his Mom and she would let me know when he was home for break so I could go say hi and look all starry eyed at him. He would grin at me and call me 'Snake', his pet name for me although why escapes me now. Then one day I was told Mike was missing. He shared an apartment in Austin and had not been seen for days. That was 1975. His Dad retired from the military soon after and moved he and his wife to San Antonio. But how will Mike find them now I worried? I prayed for him every day. I saw his Mom in San Antonio for the last time in the early 90's. Husband had passed away and she still wondered what happened to her only son. She said to me in her living room gazing at his picture, "I know Mike must be dead. He would have come home by now if he were still alive".  She said his then girlfriend still sent her a Christmas card every year and I think that was a small comfort, to sort of have that connection. I told her a Texas Ranger had come to our door in 1979 asking questions as a body had been found in Louisiana close to where his truck had been recovered. She had no knowledge of this, curious as we gave the Ranger their address. She passed away in 1996. I googled his name night before last, not expecting to find anything but there it was-an article from a Louisiana newspaper dated 2007 about DNA helping to identify John Doe's. It was Mike's travel partner the article was talking about, Mike was mentioned almost as a foot note as his body evidently from this article was identified not long after it was found. They were murdered, drug deal gone bad.  I still have this weird empty feeling. How could anyone be so violent to the nice, peaceful, guitar playing, hippie college student? Why was his Mom not given the opportunity to bury her son? Questions unanswered but I do feel a little better knowing he was found. RIP Mike musician peaceful hippie, you were a beloved son, boyfriend and my guitar teacher. If there is a rock and roll heaven ....kisses

God Is Pretty Practical

Well as you know my waitress career lasted two whole days. I landed a job in a souvenir shop on the Texas coast a few months ago which was lots of fun.  I loved listening to my new co-workers, who were just the cutest young people ever, talk about their latest love interest, fusses with siblings, communication gaps with parents, and of course lots of fun gossip. I ended up getting  super homesick for my little house, my own peaceful little routine, and my friends, in my small town. I truly had not counted on feeling like that but I did so, I put in my notice, thanked them for the job opportunity, which I really did appreciate, and came home. That next Monday morning I decided I was getting a job 'today'! So I drank my coffee, with a shake of cinnamon in the filter cause I like it that way plus cinnamon is good for you, dressed business country casual( cowboy boots), and started at one end of my small town and worked my way to the other collecting applications. I was so thankfull for the little cashier job my childhood Flour Bluff friends were kind enough to give me. I realize RN as the only experience in the last 25 years is not helpful to a potential employer looking for retail help. My first stop dropping them off that afternoon was the True Value hardware store. Now I was optimistic about this first stop but the manager took my application with barely a glance at me and turned to walk away. I just could not believe I was being dismissed so quickly so I spoke up in my nicest, polite, without sounding too eager voice 'could I get an interview?'. He kept walking and said over his shoulder he would call if an opening came up. Wow, what a buzz kill. So I prayed. 'Lord, help me to find the right job'. I had prayed before going in to get 'this job'. Since I for some reason have difficulty grasping the concept that God is not just for huge crisis. He is really pretty practical. Prayer said, my next stop was the dry cleaners which I thought was my least likely prospect cause they seemed to have such a small crew are locally owned and I figured probably hire amongst their friends. I walked in, one of the owners took me straight to the office for an interview and hired me on the spot. They are just the nicest people ever and I am loving my job. I never realized there was so much to doing laundry! I am learning a lot plus getting to meet friends and neighbors in my very friendly small Texas town. I still do not miss nursing. I am grateful for those years but for now I feel done with that part of my life. Just wanted to catch you up on what is happening in my small world. Have a super great , sunshine, Summertime week. kisses

Miss Self Control America

Did you maybe ever say a bunch of stuff to someone that was true in your mind and had bothered you for a while but somehow did not give you the relief you expected once you spoke it all out loud.   In fact made ya feel pretty crappy for not only saying it but having carried those feelings around so that they were bound to come out sooner or later. Just wondering...I was taught in Sunday school as a child and I know as an adult to be careful with words you cannot take back but here I am again feeling just wretched.  I like to think I am Miss Self Control America. Reality had other plans for me and has once again intruded into my little world leaving me no choice but to admit my huge lack of what I thought I had sort of pretty much mastered.  Now what do I do? Just wondering what you think. Have a super Summer, self controled, weekend. kisses

'Bought' Air

It was a beautiful, sunny, Texas Summer hot Sunday day today.  I was truly grateful for my central air-conditioner keeping me comfortable cool.  I remember my grade school classrooms feeling like a sauna in the humid Flour Bluff Summer heat.  We did not have air conditioned classrooms till 6th grade.  Those Summer days when temperatures soared into the 90's and himidity was likely around 60% retaining  information was at a minimum while day dreaming, passing notes, or any other sort of distraction was the norm.  I think us little kids probably suffered some degree of heat exhaustion daily. Not to mention riding an overcrowded yellow school bus, 3 to a seat, asiles filled with the older kids standing and the too small windows mostly all shut tight, home during the hottest part of the day.  Most of us had box fans in our windows at home. Air conditioning was a rare luxury.
Somehow we all survived. We were miserable but we did not know any different. Of course we played in the ditches, swam in ponds and when we got thirsty drank from the nearest garden hose. My childhood before air conditioned classrooms and hand sanitizer was great! Maybe I need to rethink the need for all this 'bought' air and I will seriously consider pulling out the old box fan...as soon as Fall rolls around. Have a comfortable, cool week.  kisses

Kids Say the Darnest Things

I hope your weekend is going sunny goodtime Summer great.  My grandchildren were visiting yesterday and we were having a super fun in the sun, splash in Nana's pool and totally wear Nana out great day. My girls, one of my handsome son in laws and grandkids were chilling in my living room before they left for the day when 5 year old Hailey looked at me with her ginormous beautiful innocent hazel colored eyes and asked 'Nana, why did you get divorced?' . I looked at my daughter and she just shifted in her chair, did that Mother to daughter eye roll I am so familiar with and said 'May as well answer her Mom, and if your answer does not add up she will ask you about that in a bit.' .  So I looked at my little princess, not wanting to disappoint but not overwhelm either and said 'well, I wanted a companion and Pop( that's what they call my ex-husband)was not a companion to me so I decided I would rather grow old on my own or at least be free to look for one. She looked at me a moment then asked 'what's a companion?'. I told her someone to do things with, hang out with. I guess for now that adds up for Hailey. That really was kinda the basic truth for me only it sounds kinda shallow saying it and writing it now. It sure did not seem shallow at the time nor did I ever take it lightly. Course I guess life is more complicated than the answers we have to come up with when taking to a child....but they sure do make ya think and possibly add a little more perspective.  I'm not sure if I should feel more guilty or whatever but I think we all just do the best we can with what we have at the time. I know I sure do love my grandchildren. I guess that will have to do for now. kisses

Wrong Way or Just My Way?

Happy sunshine beautiful breezy hump day, Wednesday. Do you ever feel like that odd fish swimming in the wrong direction? Not that the direction is truly wrong, just different and can get a little lonely at times.  I make it a point to get out and get some socialization, have some fun, even maybe a little out of my comfort zone. I like to tell myself 'Steff, ya gotta expand your horizons'. But it is something I have to work at and even kinda push myself at times.  I do end up having lots of fun and adventure so the effort is most certainly worth it.  Somehow relationship status continues to elude me. On that front, once again what I have figured out is that I have nothing figured out. Back to swimming in my own direction I guess. Hey maybe we can all swim together sometime, just for fun, and in our own way, in our own direction, even if it is only dog paddling! kisses

No Man is an Island-or Woman Either!

Good Morning, Good Morning! Hope your Tuesday is sunshiney bright filled with wildflowers and happy thoughts.  It has so hit home to me recently that what I do, little ole insignificant me, really does affect those around me, even ones I never realized were watching. I remember my Granny telling me that. "Steffie, be careful what you do. The little ones are always watching" .  She was talking about my younger brother and sister, of course but it kinda carries over and I'm thinking now really never ends. I have been way too wrapped up in my own little world these last 18 months or so trying to deal with life, career, and well just changes ! A wise friend of mine looked me in the eye a few months ago and said "Stephanie, you are important to a lot of people. Don't you ever forget that".  I just did my usual giggle and shook it off. How could I be important to anyone? But ya know, we all are important to someone and important to ones we might not ever even know about. I just want you to know You are important to me, after all, You read my silly blog about my very small world. You matter if only to me! Have a super trippy Tuesday. kisses

May as Well Have a Donut ! Do you sleep thru storms? Apparently I sometimes do and did last night. I woke up about 5am with my morning agenda all planned out and got right to it. I finished up my planned household activities and headed for my truck. I am not completely oblivious noticing my grass was wet, driveway sorta soggy, glancing in the rearview my truck was leaving heavy mud tracks down my steeet. No worries, rain is a good thing. I cranked up the radio-that new song by Lady Antebellum, Downtown playing. Somewhere around 10 miles out Hwy 90 east bound Bexar County Sheriffs were waving all traffic to turn left or right on the overpass and from the lack of oncoming traffic must have been doing the same a few miles down. Flooded? How did I miss out on that news?

Seems the San Antonio area set records for rainfall over night. No use crying over spilled creek beds. I turned my truck around, headed for Haby's Bakery then my comfy dry sofa. If I cannot leave town may as well have a donut! yum.It is a Haby's donut kind of day. kisses

Summer Days

My brother and sister and I grew up when playing outside was great. In fact, Summer days us and the Wilkeys (they lived next door and were a constant in my life) and the current military brats living in the rent houses on our street packed a lunch, our stay at home Mom made kool-aid for everyone and put it in our school lunch thermoses, and we were off for the day on our bikes. No 10 speeds. I do not think there was even a Schwin among us although we dreamed of owning one. Usually the ride was down our street the back way over the big hump pretty much impassable to cars, down the dirt road till it played out, thru the soft sand and brush beside the Laguna to the Duncan Family Cemetary. We spent the day reading the old tombstones and when we got hungary we ate  at the edge of Mr. Duncan's super green carpet grass yard in the shade of a huge oak tree. Those were the days my friend. How does the song go? Well Summer is almost here. I might just look for me a bicycle and it might just be a Schwin. Have a happy sunshine Monday. kisses

Proverbs17:17

Happy sunshine, clear blue sky,  Sunday day.   I was just thinking how very nice it is to have friends. Especially those ones you can just forget about social ettiquite, no worries, no tip toes around 'feelings' cause it is all good, it is all real. Upside down and backwards, most times at the very least a  little sideways - that is if we are to be compared to 'conventional' society.  Not that anyone would even attempt!  Giggle out loud. Friendships do take some effort if we desire life long ones but I will save that story for another day. I am headed out to hang out upside down & backwards, maybe a little sideways at the very least with my super fun Sunday buddies at 90 West Bike Stop. Have a super sunshine Sunday!! kisses

Bright Eyes

So I don't know if this has ever happened to you or not...I woke up bright and early the other morning excited to start my happy day. I pulled on my glasses ( one of the joys of over 40/50 eyes) picked up my phone off the Coca-Cola chair I use as a bedside table and started attempting to  compose a good morning text.  How very unkind of nature that as we age our eyesight tends to dim! I gave up trying to focus for the moment as nature called and I dashed to the bathroom. I glanced at my face as I passed a mirror and the reason for my inability to focus became clear. I was wearing my sunglasses!  Now I sure am glad my eyes are bright but what does this say about my over 40/50 brain? I may have to read up on this....if I can find my glasses. Have a Sunshine Saturday! kisses

Fun & Productive Day

The Flour Bluff/Padre Island sky has today the most very perfect balance of overcast and sunshine, gulf breeze and not too much humidity. I had to get out to the Laguna Madre to soak up the sun and breath in that laguna aroma that brings an immediate peace and easy feeling that this is a place I will always belong. Walking in and around all the little bird islands is the most wonderful way to spend a day. I was a little concerned about all the plastic bags littering the shore and thought to myself 'next time I am bringing a trash bag'. Silly me for trying to procrastinate on such an important job. My eyes landed on an intact bag and the light bulb above my head flashed brightly(you know the one in cartoons but I really do have one)!! I shoved so many bags and parts of bags in that one I actually felt like I made a dent in my small part of the Laguna. A big white bucket with a handle was kind enough to present itself at the end of my adventure to stuff all those bags and various parts of plastic bags. I was even fortunate enough to find and gather up fishing line otherwise destined to cause a lovely water bird immense misery. So Yay me! I had a fun and productive day. I hope you are having one too and pick up some trash! kisses P

Coping Too Well

This has been one of 'those' days. I tend to shake off the negative and hurtful. . But sometimes the occation arises to stop the stoic and just feel and deal. I am surrounded by the most amazing people in the world. I am just overwhellmingly supported and encouraged by men and women I respect. I kinda had one of those misty eyed moments earlier. I think I am extremelly self disciplined in only letting others see my happy confident self. Today I got a little TMI and you know how it can be that one thing that is just too.much. I am pretty happy with my well developed coping skills, usually. Today not so sure. Is there maybe such a thing as coping a little too well? Guess I need to.put some thought into this, later...much later. Love you my friends Have a hunky dory fun Friday. kisses Thank you Victor, Julie, Annette, for your insight. Victor you are a wise good man. Glad for new friends Clare and Brenda.

Breezy Sunshine Riding Day

It is a super sun shiney ultra bright breezy Harley Biker kind of day here in the middle of Texas. There is in fact the Hill Country Holler Rally in full biker varoom varoom Harley Motorcycle style happening right now in Boerne, Texas. Our Texas hill country is just the greatest for Harley riding, just open rag top joy driving, monster ginormous truck 4 wheeling and even the stick to personal human-power pedal your own bicycling. All of which you will see if you venture here someday and if you wave and smile you will might even get invited to join. Really! Texas is super friendly like that. I have got to get outside now so I will fill you in later on my small world happenings. You get outside too if you can. Happy Sunshine Springtime weather Saturday to everybody! kisses

Funeral Weather

I went to a funeral today. I have learned that for me funerals are very sad occations with Mother Earth sending her condolances in the form of unfavorable gravesdie service weather. It is so hard to lose someone close to us, even difficult to lose someone that touched our life in some way. I believe in God and some sort of here after but I have never really understood how that knowledge or faith is supposed to bring comfort. The feeling of loss cannot be filled with anyone or anything else. The space that person occupied is forever empty. I have heard stories about feeling the lost one's presence in a certain place or having feelings of being watched over, dreams of messages, visions of light, just on and on. I suppose we chose to tell these stories as it makes the loss seem less real. Like they are 'not really' gone. Since no one can truely know until it happens and then it is impossible to clue the living in I guess we will keep feeling, and imagining, and telling stories. I do not like it one bit. Just one of those things I have no control over. I try to deal with what I know and I know I do not like the empty space. I love my family so much it hurts sometimes. I love my friends. Funerals I think are for the living. It is the one thing we can do to let the dear ones left know we feel the empty too. We take time out on very short notice to iron our Sunday best, brave the wind, cold, rain, sleet, or unexpected sudden heat wave to stand beside, hug, cry, hand out tissues, and just be there, together. We all feel the empty. We all hate it. kisses

School Days Meandering Ways

 

It is a beautiful February Thursday.  I love to be in my yard when the local school bus rumbles down my rural county numbered road.  The bus driver throws me a wave and sometimes the students wave too.  I remember my Mother sending a note to my 3^rd grade teacher, Mrs. Massengail  requesting that I be allowed to walk home.  My teacher was not to keen on the idea and I really cannot remember if I actually had permission - I just did it anyway.  I hated riding the bus.  Those big yellow school buses intimidated me lined up with numbers all out of order and grumpy drivers that seemed totally unapproachable. Like how was a little girl supposed to get on the correct bus when I could not even figure out what number the bus was or remember what number I was supposed to look for not to mention it never seemed like I recognized anyone from the day before?  Besides I loved walking home by myself.  I would pick wildflowers along the way, maybe pick up a horny toad-I thought horny toads were very friendly-and daydream about all sorts of things as I meandered home.   My Mom had taught me not to talk to strangers but I usually stayed in the field off the paved road anyway.  I was way more afraid of stepping on a  rattlesnake or any kind of snake than I was maybe having to run from a slowing car I did not recognize.  I kinda wonder now if times have really changed that much or the media just has us all scared to death of kid snacthers.  Welp, I’m not spending too much time contemplating that just thankful for my memories and meandering childhood days.  I think I will go meander right now!  kisses 

Happy Valentine's Day-Next Year

Valentine's Day is almost over according to the digital clock on my Macbook Pro.  No flowers for me this year, not even a picture of one via text message.  Evidently fishing(I'm not buying it but it is what he said) is more important or more interesting or exciting...whatever.  I understand.  I still love Valentine's Day.  I watched my grandsons so my beautiful daughter and her handsome husband could go out for a romantic dinner.  Young parents need date night especially on Valentine's.  I hear people say, mostly single women, that it is just another day.  I guess it is just another day if you want it to be.  I want it to be fun and romantic.  Since I didn't have a date and short on cash myself I cruised the internet for Valentine's Day stuff, cute pics, sexy pics, where it originated-pretty good stuff!  Wikipedia, my personal favorite source of all things I used to look up in Encyclopedia Britannica, informed me St. Valentine was a third century Roman saint that died on February 14.   Did you know the flower-crowned skull of St. Valentine is exhibited in the Basilica of Santa Maria in Cosmedin, Rome?  I could have lived without knowing that!  Anyway, I am not giving up my romantic idea's of Valentine's Day and besides, tomorrow is Friday nite-can't beat that!  Happy Valentine's Day, flowers or no flowers, date or no date, there is always next year!  kisses  

Back Roads & Abandoned Homes

Whenever or as often as I get a chance I love driving around my great home state of Texas or more specifically every back road, dirt road, numbered county road and even private roads with the proper permission of course, where local wildlife can actually be seen still alive and all sorts of  ‘If only the oak trees could talk’ is my favorite escape.  Plus I just enjoy all the trees, weeds and wild growing beautiful things not allowed in manicured Lawn Boy neighborhoods.   Scattered here and there are the very old abandoned homes.  Stone work crumbling and weathered wood left to the forces of nature.  Mother earth slowly reclaiming what a long ago family constructed to keep her out.   I know I cannot be the only one that visualizes the tin roof in its proper place, colorful river rock masonry placed with pride and that once eggshell white picket fence with the mountain laurel growing wild beside the gate.  The two story homestead with a wrap around porch, sagging balcony and wisteria vines hanging raggedy in empty windows could have been full of a big happy Ma & Paw Kettle family.  Hey, there is a cow looking at me.  Not exactly native wildlife but it is local and alive.  Next time you get a chance drive down a country road you are unfamiliar with and make up your own stories.  Send me a comment; I would love to hear about your adventures.  Have a great rest of your Wednesday day.  kisses