As It Should Be

Me in foster care Nueces County Texas . I don't know who they were

Good Sunday morning. The very last Sunday of 2014 will be dawning at 7:29 in my part of Texas. Cold and wet outside I am thankful to be cozy, warm inside. Dog on his blanket chasing rabbits in his sleep. Me sitting on my brown sofa contemplating my life so far.

I will probably never know where exactly my life began,  my name or any fun facts about my ancestors.  My parents adopted me from the state. I was in a foster home as my birth Mother was admitted into Memorial Hospital in Corpus Christi, or so I have been told, and then left the hospital AMA(against medical advice) never to be heard from again.  I make up all sorts of scenarios about what might have happened to her. I so hope she has had a good life.

My earliest memories of my (adoptive) Mom are, 'oh there is that nice lady' .  I remember so clearly when she entered a room that gnawing anxious confusion fell away and I felt safe and secure.  I guess maybe because she was my Mom! 

Picture from my foster home but Mom is unsure if this is me 

My parents adopted my little sister a year after and 2 years after that my Mom got pregnant with my little brother. Our bedtime story was a book about how a little boy's parents adopted his little sister.

My parents would look at Robin and I and say "This is how we got you girls. We picked you out"  My parents are/were such good honest people.  

Fast forward 50 years or so... My 3 children are grown with their own homes and families. I am so proud of all of them.  

I have worked very hard to have my own home and other than a few rough patches I feel all in all not to shabby for a kid abandoned not knowing her own name.  

I am grateful to  my birth Mom for giving me life and while she could not care for me she left me in a safe place. Thank you so much forever and ever. 

I am grateful for foster parents making space for me in their home and in their life .  Thank  you so much forever and ever.  

Thank you Mom and Dad.  My life could have been so different or maybe not. Maybe it is all as it should be...so it goes. kisses

You Forgot The Remote

Friday before last,  several (judging by the multiple tire track patterns)  someones gathered on my property while I was at work, pushed thru a panel where a garage door might someday be, and entered my little house.  

 I have posted a note on that spot 'You Forgot The Remote' and placed it underneath.  I guess they needed my digial flat screen TV more than me.  

 It has taken till today to realize they also relieved me of my lawn mower.  

I guess I will add to the note ' Use Caution As the Lawn Mower Has A Leak In The Gas Tank' .   

The object lesson, or my take on all this is .... I work for what I have and thank God for giving me opportunities and so very many blessings.  Those someone's who gathered on my property, not only have to get up to change the channel - when they get ready to mow they just might go BOOM!! 

Happy sunshine, cool weather, its a beautiful day in the neighborhood, Sunday. kisses

No Fear, Max Is Here

Happy Thursday, hope things are going your way,  get ready for Halloween Day, tomorrow is Trick-or-Treat-Friday, Yay!

My most amazing middle child allowed me to accompany, she and my grandsons, costume shopping.  Did you know there is a Halloween Store specifically for all things-creepy,  spooky, haunted and somewhat gruesome? What a hoot to corral little boys through such a place.  http://youtu.be/FCAvCWxbOz0

My youngest grandson was born with a rare genetic disorder, Prader-Willi Syndrome, genes on the number 15 chromsome are deleted.  A case of 'Mother Nature' shuffling the deck, said the Genetic Specialist.  Low muscle tone, cognitive disabilities are just part of the list.  We know this, he does not!  

Max is a wonder boy constantly devising ways to accomplish developmental milestones his parents were gently informed would be much delayed, some not attainable.  

Children live in such a different realm from us adults.  I have to blink back tears watching my two older grandsons interact with Max.  They rough house and play like boys do but seem to instinctively know  when their little brother needs help.  They are protective showing kindness and patience I think amazing for ones so young. 

The Bible talks about all God's children having a guardian angel.  I think Max has a whole platoon assigned to him.  The life size animated, story telling, green, wart covered witch at the back of the store sends most children running for their Momma.  Max walked right up and introduced himself.  No fear, no judgement here.  Why can't we be friends? ....or maybe just a little more like Max. kisses

http://youtu.be/ae0NYdnwbHU

No Playing Cards On Sunday

Happy church day, friends & family day, catch up on needed rest day, bright sunshine Sunday.

My Granny loved playing card games.  No matter how many of us grandkids were visiting, the brown card table kept folded behind her late 1960's Traditional style faded beige sofa, was pulled out and each of us grabbed a metal leg to unfold.  

Granny was so proud of her cards. She had several decks, each with a fancy plastic case.  I was always facinated with the Joker cards.  Maybe because of the funny picture? 

Fight-N-Spite was her usual game of choice when playing with us but her real passion was Bridge.  She played at the local community center, she played with The Grandmothers Club,  and some other group she just called her 'Bridge Club'.

Not only did she play, she played to win. My sweet little four foot something grandmother had a competitive streak and trophies to show for it. I was so proud of her being the Bridge Queen. 

  I remember asking her to teach me how to play once and she told me, "Oh no Stephie,  you do not want to learn that. Then everyone will want you to play."  This lead me to believe playing bridge was some sort of job or obligation of 'old people'.  I remember worrying for the longest time. Like what if I got old without having learned how to play Bridge?  I would not be a 'proper' old person, what would my grandchildren think?  I even for a time would follow the Bridge game in the newspaper. Finally gave up on that!

Granny was a Christian and she had a strict rule 'No playing cards on Sunday!"   I am not sure why playing cards on Sunday was the devil but then I am not sure about a lot of things. 

There is one thing-I sure am glad I had such a good Granny. kisses

While I'm In Love

Rita Cooledge sings a song that usually always makes me cry. 

 I was so in love with my ex-husband, even after a county court Judge ruled to 'put asunder' what 'God had joined together' anytime he walkes into a room, I am so happy to see him my heart skips a beat, his presence takes my breath away,  no different from the very first time I saw him all those years ago, 

I will never forget that moment.  It plays like a video in my mind as I write this and an involuntary grin takes over my face. I was with my friend Carolyn Scott and her husband Jerry at The Barrell House in Flour Bluff.  It was an otherwise hole in the wall, yucky beer joint but we graced a table by the small dance floor in support of Dondi.  A local musician that was almost famous.   

Jerry would tease me about being single. He was a supervisor over aircraft mechanics, most of them just out of the military and single, at the Corpus Chrisiti Navy Base.    He would say 'Stephanie, what do you want? A tall one, short one? Take your pick.'.  How silly!

I was kinda worried about being out so late as Carolyn and I were nursing students, when the heavy wooden bright red bar door swung open and a group of guys and girls, probably a few years older than me, seemed to tumble in, apparently fresh from the beach, and funny how fast your whole life can change. 

He was tall, dark and handsome. He wore a purple,  half tee shirt and  Levi jeans that fit just right.  

"Here are the Beech Creeps now" Jerry hollered out. (In referance to the name of the aerospace company they all worked for)  In a tight bunch the group moved in unison towards our table and I was already praying he would sit by me.  Jerry made informal introductions while I tried not to stare at that smooth skinned, brown belly, and not fidget self consciously too much.  When the group settled in and couples went to dance as Dondi played 'Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places' on his Gibson Guitar, Juan asked if I would like to dance.  We barely moved as he held me and asked a thousand questions.  That song lasted forever yet I was not ready to let go of him when it ended.  I guess I never really have...completely anyway. I can't. We share children, grandchildren and a whole lifetime full of memories.  I am not even sure how long we have been divorced.  But I do know we married on March 3,  1985 in his sister's back yard to a turn table playing The Carpenter's vinyl record "We've Only Just Begun" .  With, among other guests, his grandmother and my grandmother in attendance.  My daughter, now our daughter, Natosha the flower girl. My favorite sister and his next oldest brother, our witnesses , while Shauna, the 2nd of our 3 children, gestated comfortably in my still flat tummy.  He had the most romantic sounding  name ever and once I finally learned how to spell it I have never tired of hearing him or anyone else say it. 

Life is full of change.  

My heart has a space where words end but feelings continue.  You feel what you feel. It is what it is, on and on and so it goes.  kisses 

 

The Space Between Ceiling & Floor

The extra large windows that grace the space between ceiling and floor of my little home were purposely positioned for mornings such as this, as bright Sunday sunshine tumbles thru the double panes and rays of light do a happy dance in every room.  

 I am content to lounge on my brown sofa, James Taylor and I doing a duet of Don't Let Me Be Lonely Tonight, while my thoughts try and sort out all of last weeks life events, emotional highs and lows while letting go of what I cannot wrap my mind around.  My ongoing conversation with Jesus stepped up a bit for a family crisis causing deep concern but not shaking my faith as I know He has us in His hands.  He does you know!  

So why do I worry myself stupid over unpaid bills?

Why do I blink back tears thinking of 'what if's' for my now grown children?

I think it's because it just feels like God is so very far away.   

Far away feelings soon fade as I am thankful for Christian,  Bible believing parents who prepared me for times like these. Not by dragging me to church or lectures and mini sermons although there was plenty of that, but by the peaceful way in which they lived.  My Dad had faith that actually did move mountains. My children call my Mom to this day, during crisis as they say 'Grandma has a hotline to God'.   

No matter how I might 'feel'.  I 'know' God's grace is in the space between ceiling and floor and His grace is sufficient for me. 

Have a bright, happy sunshine, Sunday.  kisses

Seasons are Changing

Just another manic Monday has slipped away as not just any day but the first day of Fall and my favorite time of year.  Tuesday will soon dawn with central Texas temperatures in the 60's so starting my happy day, Yay! Goodbye Summer.

Seasons change and as my Mother tells me there are also seasons to our life, although not quite so specifically defined as autumnal equinox.  I have sensed a shift rather recently, some welcome clarity inspired in part by reconnecting and part by witnessing renewed lease on life so to speak. 

I kind of 'lost myself' with Empty Nest Syndrome and a few other life events that rocked and rattled my stable world. 

Debbie Hill was a best gal pal in my young teens.  We went to church camp, Summer beach time and talked about boys-a lot!  After high school I lost track of Debbie. Memories kinda made me feel sad as I figured I would never see my fun, sweet teenage friend again. Time marches on as does technology and Debbie Hill-Nation found me on facebook! She made a trip to San Antonio with her daughter Jordan and we had a great reunion along with my favorite sister and her family.  

Reconnecting with Debbie and getting a whole day with my Sister felt like spending a day at home again-if that makes any sense.  I feel like they are anchors providing me stability giving me exactly what I need to find my center once again.  Like maybe the season is changing and the knot on my head, where life dumped me on it, does not seem so tramatic anymore.  

After all, just another season of life. Seasons in the sun but the stars we can reach are the starfish on the beach.  kisses

Nothing Is Worse Than A Sick Fish

Just another manic Monday is slipping away and I am in awe as the Supermoon has my yard lit up like a Texas Stadium on Friday night.

I know I talk a lot about the moon. That's because the moon is magic! God hung the moon cause he knew we needed a night  light, hope that a new day is on the way.  Because it is you know! 

Tonight the moon that lights up a country road as my girlfriend brings her son home from the ER, thankfully with a good report, is the same one casting shadows on the empty spot in another friend's driveway, as the family vehicle was just reclaimed by the bank.  

A few miles down in the next town, bedroom curtains parted just enough for lunar light to catch the tears of a worried wife as her beloved husband and soul mate faces surgery in a few days. 

Several states away, a nursing school classmate is on the run from her soon to be ex and desperately trying to hold onto her farm.  Just on and on.  So much anguish. So many heavy hearts.  I think of all these loved ones, say a prayer for them trying not to let my own struggles over whelm and then I smile! Because I just read on Facebook, my friend Bobbie who has suffered unimaginable loss and now requires 24/7 care is worried about her sick fish!             

esday is gonna be terrific. On and on, I just know it.   kisses 

Mysterious, Elusive, Giant Moths

Remember the 1967 movie, Dr. Doolittle with Rex Harrison? The Pushme-Pullu?  Most fascinating to me was the Moon Moth he rode off on at the end. Have you ever seen a  giant moth?  I only remember seeing a handful of them over my lifetime and it just so happens a Hawk Moth searching for food in tonights moon glow flew in my front door just before midnight.  He was gigantic and fluttered his wings like a bird or bat and just because I jumped around and annoying high pitched girl sounds filled the air does not mean I was not totally fascinated and kind of in awe at such a creature.  I was able to get him safely back outside but not before I snapped a picture.  

Go find your mate, mysterious, elusive giant moon moth.  kisses

Twilight

Manic Monday, school year off to a good start day.  Summer sunshine now slowly slipping away as the space between night and day has her turn.  A spectacular artist. She splashes color across the evening sky in a breath taking production original nightly.   God dims the house lights as Twilight takes her bow and mother nature joins with her bedtime symphony. 

Good Night . 

Padre Island, Texas by Cheryl Kratz

First Day of School

Good morning, Sunday Summer day, church day, begining of a new week day and the last day of unstructured  8-4.  Come Monday, school days, dear old Golden Rule days start fresh and way to soon.  Remember when the 1st day was always after Labor Day?  I also remember practically every year it poured rain causing more stress for parents, puddles of muddy fun for us kids.  

My Mom would safety pen an envelope with a check to pay for a month of school lunches, to the front of my dress.  I was instructed to go straight to the school office before class.  The Principal's nice pretty secretary would remove the penned envelope while saying pleasant things to smooth over my humiliation.   Wasn't the first day of school hard and confusing enough?  What was my Mom thinking? 

The pretty nice lady in the office was so kind to me and said such funny things about my safety pens that by the end of the school year I looked forward to my brief morning once a month, walk of humiliation.  That nice, pretty lady it turns out was my bestfriend Ruthann's Mother,  Nancy Jo Ulbrich.   I so admired her while I was growing up and I love and admire her to this day.  She accomplished so many things in addition to corraling us kids.   Role model, wise counselor, I learned so much from her.   Thank you Nancy!  Love ya lots. kisses 

Night Nurses

It is a blue sky, super sonic hot, Summer Sunday, church day and just one more day the Lord hath made.

I spent 25 years working the night shift as a RN.  Nursing is the career I wanted and it served me well. There are so many things I want to say when friends and acquantances advise me-for financial reasons-to work as a nurse again.  I do struggle financially.  It is a challenge to live on less money than the deductions on the checks I brought home as a nurse.  The emotional, physical and  spiritual toll is so unbelieveable and overwhelming you will never hear a RN discuss it-unless you are a RN.  In fact nursing was not particularly encouraged as a career choice until salaries more than doubled almost over night some years ago. 

Yesterday another RN friend passed from this world to the next. The timing it seems was her choice.  I have lost more nursing friends than family, schoolmates and various acquantainces combined.  

Years past I looked out patient windows to see the night sky.  Tonight I am gonna be on a roof with friends watching the meteor shower as the Supermoon rises.  I like to think the twinkling stars are happy lights of ones whose earthly light shines only now in our memory.  Forever happy. Forever at peace. 

Rock on you night nurses looking out patient windows. I know what you face and the courage it takes, On and on and so it goes. 

kisses

Self Destruct

Have you ever had a friend just seem to self destruct?  Maybe you kinda sorta had a feeling something was up and made yourself available while feeling incredibly inadequte as this is no ordinary person.  This friend is the center so many others depend on, look to and seem to naturally gravitate around.   

The slippery slope of self destruct is steep, leaving casualities shocked and shaken.  Equally and particularly hideous to witness are the ferrett faced, self proclaimed, wise counsel,  spinning tales of woe from a grain of truth mixed and multiplied in imagination poisoned with envy and anger.  Gossip so harsh, toxic karma takes its toll as the casuality list increases.  

It occurs to me in this time of 'selfies',  emphases on importance of self esteem, and general attitude of 'Me, myself & I'deserve 'whatever it is I think I want',  the reality is that self gratifacation is fleeting.  WORD!   

So it goes and now you know. 

Life is fragile and so very precious. kisses

Joy Ride With Nana

Good Morning, Good Morning!  Bright peaceful sunshine has my whole yard waking up to a new day.  Happy birds are talking, bunnies busy hopping, it is gonna be a terrific Tuesday I just know it.

One of my favorite things is jumping in my truck and hitting the open road, especially if that road leads to my grandchildren.  I have been told repeatedly by my children and one or two others that being a passenger in my vehicle is-not so good.

I remember taking Drivers Education in high school. Classroom work was great but student driving was terrifing.  Unlike my friends my Dad had to practically drag me to the DMV to get my drivers license.  I passed the first time I took the test so I can't be all that bad.  

If I ever win the lottery I think I will hire a driver-full time! kisses

Sleep-Talker

When I was a newlywed, oh so many decades ago, my then husband would talk in his sleep- in Spanish.  Those jittery, sleepless, newelywed nights,  caused me to question the wisdom of the  Flour Bluff Independent School District curriculum makers as to how I got thru grade school never taking a Spanish class and thus only picking up a few phrases like Buenos días, Cómo estás?, and Cómo te llamas? , none of which I ever heard him utter,  as I grabbed the #2 yellow pencil and notepad I kept stashed on my side of the bed to frantically scratch out his mumbo-jumbo. My Spanish speaking friend GiGi Guzman would do her best  to interpret who the man of my dreams was so passionately sleep-talking to in his romantic latin lover accented man voice.  Much to my relief  GiGi said most of it made no sense and sounded like he was fussing with his crew on the flightline, at work.  

I was thinking about my sweet, fun, fellow teenage single Mom, partner in crime, nursing school classmate,  recently and just for grins & giggles googled her name.  The Corpus Christi newspaper obuituary did not do her justice as I starred in regretful, sad, disbelief.  I moved away from my Corpus Christi home over 20 years ago, before facebook and before cell phones kept us more connected.  It was so easy to just lose people back then and I will never get over losing GiGi like that. It seems she passed away in 1999. No wonder my attempts to find her over the years were futile. I have told myself repeatedly, as I talk to myself all the time, that you just cannot keep up with every one! GiGi and I hit it off the first week of nursing school, single Mom's, living with our parents, determined to make a good life for our daughter's. We both had an independent spirit with a deep sense of responsibility for  the beautiful babies we created. That being said, we were also sorta plagued with a wild streak a mile long we fought constantly to control.  We helped each other study hard and encouraged each other thru difficult times. We even started a Single Mother's group at DelMar college with the Dean's permission. Being a single Mom was still a bit scandelous and harshly judged back then but GiGi and I were proud of our children and determined our girls would grow up to be proud of us.  

Maybe someday I will get to see Kristen, GiGi's daughter and tell her some fun stories about her amazing, smart, forward thinking, wisdom beyond her years, Mother.  

I still do not speak Spanish. Sorry GiGi. The next man I marry will just have to not be a sleep-talker.  

Good Nite. kisses

Only God Knows Our Heart

photo by Dale Allen Ball July 30, 2018

Good morning, bright sun shining, happy birds talking, insects busy buzzing and it is gonna be a terrific Tuesday I just know it!  I am up early thinking about how the last several nights the man in the moon seemed almost close enough to touch.  I clicked a couple of pictures with my Iphone 5 and could almost swear he was waving at me causing me to pause and ponder that a picture may say a thousand words but each of us has our own vocabulary, possibly even our own dictionary and most certainly our own unique perspective.

One thing I am still learning is that listening to anothers point of view with an open mind actually feels much better than quickly judging from my limited book of knowledge that I am certain has missing pages cause some of that stuff just makes no sense. Still there is a space I go to, heart guarded in keeping my own values and faith, where every one is important, it is okay to feel what you feel and your beliefs will be respected even when totally different from my own.   I have cringed at the sound of my own voice harshly making judgements and drawing conclusions thinking I was qualified to do so. Bad Steffie! That gives me an awful feeling of regret for saying or even thinking such things.  Only God knows our heart.  

I hope the man in the moon waves at me again tonight.  Peace. kisses

Heart Hurts

Funny how listening to your best girlfriend  talk about her broken heart and how she never saw that coming, suddenly enlightens your own perspective. Sorta like that Windex commercial. Spray a little blue wisdom, wipe away the dirt as your space you realize must be decluttered from those who carry your heart in their box of tools. With the glass free of dirt and smudges that distort and disrupt your comfortable reality, the bright sun shines thru, living area flooded with bold colors, happy birds and outdoor creatures now clearly visable and full of promise, the  leafy green potted plant turns towards the clear glass and grows healthy, while me, I run smack dab , probably breaking my nose cause my whole face really hurts, right into it. Sonic Boom! Wow, sure didn't see that one coming.

What I have figured out is that I have nothing figured out. I am so sorry you are hurting my sweet friend. We can sit up all night, talk out the bad stuff, cry a little(cause someone that hurts you that much is not worth a river of tears), just feel what you feel. Weeping may last through the night but Joy comes with the morning. Pslam 30:5 KJV

Heart hurts are the worst kind. 

Love you for all of my life. kisses

Weeds

"Daddy, what is a weed?"  I have no idea how old I was when I asked that question but the answer I remember to this day. "A weed", he wisely pointed out, "is anything growing where one does not want it to grow."  I think I would now broaden that definition to include plants that thrive and multiply with no human intervention.  Hence the phrase 'growing like a weed'.

I remember feeling so bewildered when the most beautiful Texas wildflowers were hideously and most violently pulled up by their tender roots, mowed down, mulched up and thrown away as if bright primary colors, the beautiful butterflies they attracted, amazing honey bees needing the sweet necter to make honey, just on and on, were a consequence to be ignored.  

Thank you Lady Bird Johnson, former first lady of the United States and actress Helen Hays who founded the National Wildflower Research Center in 1982.  They must be my kindred spirits! Finally all these years later xeriscape, encouraging native plants and realizing they are not only essential for a healthy environment but are beautiful and to be treasured is practically mainstream practice. Which is in the words of Mary Poppins ' Practically Perfect in every way'.   

Hope you have a practically perfect Saturday...in every way. kisses

Psalm 118:24

Sad days, glad days, what do I do now days?  Plans do not work out days.  Hurtful harsh words thrown my way. Difficult to watch him walk away.  Try not to cry at work today!  Take a deep breath and smile anyway.

Customer in tears so I gave a hug away. Made a new friend today.  

I know things always work out in the end anyway.  I look forward to each new day because the Bible says 'This is the day the Lord hath made. I will rejoyce and be glad in it'.   Work week done-Hooray!   Think I'll call it a day. Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite. kisses

Numbered Days

It is a hot, humid Sunday, church day, begining of a new week day and here I sit on my brown sofa.  My mind trying to figure out how and why while my heart has yet another space full of sad tears, what if's and that awful empty feeling.

Ali McKenzie passed away suddenly in the early morning hours of May 28 from complications of Rhuematoid Arthritis. She was only 29, a beautiful young lady, her parents only daughter and my daughter's oldest friend.  

Friday night Lucy & Adam Borrego were killed on their Harley on Hwy 90 just outside San Antonio. I had not known them very long. Lucy was such a good hearted person and what I remember is her going out of her way to be nice to me.  A new friend I will miss immensely. 

If our days are numbered it just seems to me that for some the 'numbered days' must surely have been miss-counted, misplaced, lost and just not found again in time. But why? How ?   

Life is fragile and so very precious.  I do not know what else to say. 

kisses 

Hot & Humid

Good morning everybody!  Saturday, school is out for Summer day, graduation day, and the seventh day in the month of 'I want to be a June bride' will be quite a busy day as this is the offical day of the Castroville, Texas city wide garage sale.  Hot and humid, insect population explosion including mosquitos the size of hummingbirds thanks to the much needed rain we were blessed with last week, may be the topic of conversation but not a show stopper as this is Texas. No lions & tigers and bears just spiders and scorpions and snakes.  Ever wonder why Texans wear boots?  We also carry a can of Off Repellant in our truck-year round!  The opening bell is about to sound and Castroville City Wide Yard Sale will begin.  Grab your bucket of sweet iced tea and a can of Off , see ya in a few. kisses

Soldiers, Our National Treasures

Memorial Day has been a rainy day, Monday, hang in the house and reflect day, the angels must be bowling a tournment day.  Texas thunder storms can be quite exciting.  No fireworks display compares to our lightening, crazy light patterns across the sky and bolts that come straight down, hopfully miles away.  Standing at my living room windows watching the show I caught the moment one of my favorite trees was over powered by a gust of wind and fell over with a whomp, an encore  I could have lived without.   Lots of memories in that old mesquite tree.   A few yards away just outside my door the pretty little flowers I planted the day before were no worse for the wear nestled safe in an old wooden planter box.  So it goes. 

Back to Memorial Day,  a Chevy commercial has real soldiers returning home from deployment surprising their children.  Reactions both heart warming and heart breaking at the same time. The raw emotion says it all.  Today is the day set aside to honor our fallen military heros.  I think Congress and the president should watch how children and  families are affected by deployment. Sending our precious national treasures to fight others wars should be a very last resort.  Life, theirs and ours is so very precious.  Have a great week and thank a Vet.  kisses  

God bless America. 

I Am A Goof

Good morning Good morning🌝The sun has yet to rise on this early Sunday, church day, start of a new week day, and middle of the month of May, day.  Here I sit on my brown sofa text messaging and Facebooking with a few of my early bird or night owl friends.  I was just once again and for about the millionith time told I am goofy.  I guess for lack of a better descriptive word but maybe goofy is correct.  I just know I had a certain life all planned out since Mrs. Morris 6th grade class. I even had a red notebook where I wrote down how to be a good parent including elaborate examples of the huge injustices my parents inflicted on me to insure I would remember what it felt like to be a kid so my children would not have to suffer and miss out on beach parties 'all the other Mothers' consented to.  I had my wedding all planned, the names of my 2 children picked out, boy then girl.  I even decided what my grandchildren would call me.  My parents were incredibly stable so I just assumed my life would be the same way...you know, like the Beaver Cleaver household.    I got pregnant at 19, not married and not by Ward Cleaver.  That was still some what scandalous back in 1979.  One of those things 'I have come to understand that I will never understand'.  Was it because now everyone will know you had sex? So it goes.  I did finally marry, have 2 more children, bought a house, and just as plans seemed to be on track,  throw a wave to the caboose, choo choo-derail with divorce.  The Bible says 'In all things give thanks'  and 'all things work together for good'.   I believe that as I witnessed it growing up with my Dad.  I am so glad I learned or was blessed with his practically magic way of looking at life, seeing only the good and a big eraser handy as a life plan must be written in pencil.  Happiness is a choice, peace in my heart, keep my feet on the ground, after all, it is my goofy small world.  kisses

Smoke Signals

I hope you had a sunshine happy, stop to enjoy the wildflowers, Spring day Sunday.   I had a very productive work day around the house and staying busy helps to get thru the day.  Sundays are particularly kinda hard on me. I tend to reflect and over think things.  This week nostalgic memories and reminiscing crazy fun teenage years with friends I can no longer reach via my IPhone, no updates on facebook.  A few gone for some years with new tears shed for recent losses.  Just a part of time passing I suppose.  

Fast forward a few hours.  Oh horrors, I was late to work this morning.  It is a manic Monday!  Hope your sky is blue but your mood is not,  happy thoughts. This is the day the Lord has made.  I think I will make it a point to call, Gmail, Facebook, send smoke signals-if that is legal?!  Time is passing!  kisses

Long Day

So in about 10 min a new calendar day begins, camel hump, middle of the week day and the one day that is listed on my birth certificate as my birthday.  Today 2 of my Flour Bluff friends, high school sweethearts and happily married all this time were finally found. Victims of a mud slide, well the whole side of a mountain just sort of fell off, in Washington state several weeks ago.  I am so sad to hear  this and sitting here thinking instead of in my bed sleeping,  what a sweet wonderful priviledge it was to have known Steve & Theresa Harris. I guess it just gives me a sense of awe and wonder along with the sadness and feelings of loss, to have grown up with a couple so connected that they actually die on the same day.  Romantic books and tear jerker movies are made of such although when the story is non-fiction and memories are not from a script the 'real' sets in like running into a brick wall even though I am sitting still on my brown sofa. Lots to think about, gotta work in a few hours.  I think it is gonna be a long day. I am 53, happy birthday to me. Farewell my friends,  Theresa & Steve. Life is so very precious.

Resurrection Sunday

Easter Sunday is the day those of us who believe Jesus is the Son of God, was crucified, earthly body placed in a tomb for three days, celebrate His resurrection.   Life and times are full of change as decades turn to centuries or so it would seem to some.  My Bible however tells the same story over and over and ever amazing to me is that God reveals something new each time I read it.  I have noticied a common theme over the last few years incorporated more and more in political satire, stand up comedy, scripted into prime time television shows, so much so, that the inevidable changes to be expected as time marches on, has broken ranks in what I observe seems to be an all out attempt to discredit God and his Word to us, the Bible.  I question things around me all the time, including what I read in the leather bound preachers Bible that belonged to my Dad.  You see, God only reveals Himself, His wisdom to those seeking Him. I have to remember that cause it bites when a popular celebrity to get a laugh or shock value blurts out  "So 'Noah and the Ark' is really just a story about a Dad drowning his children in a huge bathtub?"   There are a few verses in Luke that help explain why non-believers just 'don't get it'.  Luke 24 is about the events after Jesus resurrection and reading the entire chapter helps keep it in  context.   Verse 16 describes men talking with Jesus but were unable to recognize Him. They actually could not 'get it' till verse 31.  Explains a lot if you think about it and helps me to not be judgmental or hurt by abrasive comments from those unble to understand. Jesus lives! kisses

John 8:47

Christy

The sun lifted her spirits , the breeze blew away her troubles, gentle Gulf waters roll waves of peace and she smiled-knowing her blessings numbered as the beach sand between her toes.

This is how I feel about growing up by the beach. I think most of us Bluff Rats (as the 'town kids ' in Corpus Christi called us) return now and then to re-live, re-group and re-center.  Hope you get to feel some beach sand between your toes this Summer. kisses

Exit Stage Right

It is late Saturday night and the next hour and a half cannot tick tock past, fast enough for me.  Last week was a rollar coaster full of emotions caused by that all too familiar 'man made', Merry Go Round.  I know if something seems too good to be true it probably is and he seemed to be straight from my dreams.  Dreams are better off left for slumber.    I do not mind being called naive because I expect truth and good intentions.  Only God knows our heart.    I am daily working to accept there are just  some things I will never understand. But I can be taught!!  I actually recognized red flag behaviors right away this time. My passive, non confrontational , make peace not war, no man is allowed to be reckless with my heart, no one steals my happy, personality  realized he was gonna ride that Merry Go Round without me.  You see, his tickets are printed with disappearing ink just like his promises. He will never be much more than a fair weather friend if that and next time a man starts up a conversation with 'I do not want any drama' that is my que to exit Stage Right!   Have a super duper sunshine Sunday. kisses

Sunday Deep Thoughts

What a beautiful, breezy, sunshine, Sunday.  I am sitting outside, soaking up rays, contemplating my life so far. I know the Lord has His own timing if I stop worrying and trust Him.  It is really cool how just when I give up on 'me' , realize I am not so smart after all and ask God for help-Boom-He is answering my prayer before I speak it. Thank you God!  kisses

Family Weekend

My weekend has come to an end as another manic Monday, early to work day, count down to Friday will soon begin. Saturday and Sunday whizzed by in a blurr as a pleasant two hours and a little more, drive filled with bright colorful wild flowers  on my merry way to the Bluff. (Flour Bluff, Texas) Quality time spent with my Mom and new husband,  not near enough time spent with my favorite brother and favorite sister with plans to gather again in a few months as we said our goodbyes. Our little family sure misses Dad and keeping us together has become a priority and a way to help channel some of the over whelming feelings of loss and the changes that follow, so it goes.  Just so glad I finally found Polarized, UV protection, limited edition, movie star sunglasses at Benjamin's.  It is gonna be a great week! kisses

Begin Again

Happy throw back Thursday, almost made it thru the week day and the first official day of Spring.   My 53rd birthday is just around the corner causing me to take note I am completely in my '50s'. A fact that feels rather sureal as once upon a time, some years ago, it was my observation 'fifty was the begining of old'. Fifty was women with very short hair, polyester pants with uneven granny panty lines, clip on earrings, and red lipstick.  She stayed home to watch soap opras, host the occational bridge game with other fifty somethings and wait...for husband, kids, grandchildren to give her life purpose.     Time passes, things change and it is not the 1960's  anymore.  Our culture has evolved for better or for worse, people are living longer and stronger, and women no longer wait.      Life as a fifty something sure is not how I had it pictured.  Recently allowing a nice man into my world to share my day with, have fun with and grow old with was put on my 'to do' list.  Shorty thereafter he found me.  Timing is everything and we are just getting to know each other.  I wear blue jeans, g-strings and sport a few tattos.  Maybe 50 is not the begining of old. Maybe 50 is just a groovy, super cool place to begin again. kisses

Your Name In Bold Letters

I have been divorced I think about 9 years or so, I really cannot remember exactly.  I often hear others talk about their divorce date like an anniversary. This used to make me feel really dumb and wonder why I could not even get that right!  I do still remember the first day of first grade when everyone else went straight to their own desk while I stood bewildered.  How did they know? Thank God for Adriana Salinas. She showed me my desk had my name on it.  If only the rest of life could be so easy.  Choosing a successful career would be a snap. Your name in bold letters at the proper booth on career day.  Perfect soul mate at the perfect time in life, would walk up and have your name on them, maybe on a cap or across the front of a tee shirt.     Adriana, where are you now??  Life passes, time marches on and thru it all I have learned to feel more comfortable in my own skin.  I embrace my quirkiness and occasionally am delighted to find there are others somewhat like me.  Adriana it seems married the perfect soul mate at just the right time and is an Eye Doctor in another state.  So it goes. Have a super great hump day, middle of the week day, silly camel jokes day, Wednesday.  kisses

Lord, Where Are My Keys?

Good, overcast cloudy, sorta damp and dewey, open up your windows,  cool air breezy, happy Sunday day.   Some weeks it seems nothing I plan works out, that discombobulated feeling overwhelms all decision making and the phrase "I would lose my head if it were not attached" becomes a very real, reality for me.
Uncomfortable as those times are I am grateful for them.  Grateful God is good and grateful I grew up in a household where prayer, talking to Jesus, was part of daily life.  I thought my Dad was so silly when as a young teen, hearing his voice as he walked thru the house "Where are those keys, Lord? I am gonna be late".  You might not believe this but true story, over and over, a moment later,  Dad would have keys in hand thanking Jesus right out loud, for directing him to the right spot as he headed out the door. Maybe Dad was not so silly after all.  Time and again in my own life I am reminded God is real, He loves me,  He has a plan for my life and if I trust Him and remember all I have to do is ask, that discombobulated feeling goes away and I can find my keys and all sorts of other important stuff.  Amazing!! kisses