I Miss Dad

Yesterday was Monday and rather late in the day it dawned on me it was no ordinary day. It was Mom & Earnie's second wedding anniversary.

Mom and Dad were married over fifty years. My Dad was quite the romantic marking each year with sweet gestures to his bride. 

Earnie just sat in his recliner as he does every day. Mom told him happy anniversay and he reciprocated in kind. Drifting in and out of sleep as his oxygen concentrater pumps and swishes across the room. Mom pretended that was fine and she expected nothing more but I know better. No one remembered her anniversary. Such mixed emotions for me.  I miss Dad so much. Who is this man that now occupies his space. 

Mom & Dad were friends with Earnie & his wife. Each lost a spouse so the remaining two married. This is what old people do I suppose to not feel so alone. Apparently as our bodies change and wither with age our emotions and need for validation, human touch and other smushy stuff do not. 

When Granny (Mom's Mother) would get exhasperated she would look at me and sigh "Oh Steffie, you'll be old someday".  

I kick myself cause this is not about me. Mom has always been my biggest fan. Always been there to support me. 

Finally I have been a Mom long enough to realize we all just do the best we can with what we know at the time. 

I dash out to get a card. It is not much but I think Mom appreciates the gesture. 

I am trying but I need to do better. Life is full of change. Time marches on. So it goes. kisses

Girls With Dirt On Our Feet

Happy last day of Summer Sunday, church day, worship in your own way.

Last week I met a friend to help say goodbye to her faithful dog and travel  companion, Jackie. Grim news delivered the day before.  Jackie was suffering from pneumonia and lung cancer. Painful violent coughing with no relief so sad. 

Laura and Jackie had many happy years together.  Now one last swim. 

There were 4 of us, kindred spirits, parked off the side of a country back road. A  favorite local watering hole with Cyphress trees that touch the sky and perfect stones for skipping rocks across the creek.  Those that had to work sent text and facebook messages. We all understood. 

You see we are girls with a little dirt on our feet. We love. We win. We lose but never do we give up or give in and always it is girlfriends in the end. 

So sorry for your loss my sweet Laura.  We, the girls with a little dirt on our feet, are standing with you in that creek. kisses

Hornet Hearts

I

Good morning to you. It is gonna be a fabulous, fun in the sun, productive get things done, evening into night, forever long day but in a good way, Friday. 

Last weekend I got to hang out with a few of my forever Flour Bluff friends. One of them I had not seen in over 30 years but it seemed like only last week.  Such a  good feeling to be in the company of those I ran barefoot with, played in muddy ditches, hitched a ride on bicycle handlebars which was perfectly acceptable as we were free range Bluff kids. 

Multi bike crashes on asphalt and a shared bottle of Monkey Blood to skinned elbows and abrasions bonded our little Hornet hearts forever. 

It was so great sharing memories and catching up on the years. I feel like a Hallmark card-one that plays music! 

Still crazy after all these years. kisses

Open Road

I drive myself all over Texas and other states as well.  I live for my next road trip, planning, saving and keeping up with vehicle maintenance.  I smile and shrug when friendly strangers look at me with deep concern "you are traveling by yourself?".

Maybe I am more comfortable on the open road then most and maybe it is because every summer my Dad took us on a family vacation.   My Mother's job was to research Texas Highways Magazine for fun sights along the way and using our rotary phone had Texas Parks and Wildlife mail information about state park facilities.    Our GPS was a cool compass glued to the dash of the family Rambler and the nice "you can trust your car to the man who wears the star" gas station attendant provided us with a huge paper road map that only Dad could refold properly.

I have to say I do miss the Texaco man.  He checked our oil,  cleaned our windshield with a smile and once even ran hollering across the road as he realized my parents had left me behind. But that's another story.

I can tell you Texas and New Mexico have great Rest Areas with clean bathrooms and picnic tables.  A few days ago I stopped at a rest area in west Texas that  had security provided by the man of steel-Superman.  So random, I guess some kid left his Superman toy but maybe not so random.  I know I felt a little safer.  Till next time.  kisses

Just Me

It freaks me out that I am 54 and on my own. Confrontation takes much effort and planning. I pray a lot. 
Health is a concern to prevent the preventable, conserve and appreciate the non-replaceable. Plan for the worst but hope for the best. Be available to my children without getting in their way. Some things I will never understand and some times I need to walk away but at all times I can be kind. It is nice to make my own decisions without compromise so extra effort to ensure the decision is wise. Looking back it is almost a shock! But then maybe not since I do pray a lot. 
Life is full of change but not my hair. I keep it the same with Loreal cause I am worth it. kisses

It Really Is Rocket Science

Eric Seller-ism   # 1  

"A man wants one thing from every woman.  A woman wants everything from one man." 

Good grief!  I have read realtionship advice from Women's magazines, Men's magazines, internet magic download -for a price. Marriage & Relationship counselors, Doctors of Psychology and just plain psycho-ology.  Women that are experts on what men want. Men that are experts on what men want and how to get it from a woman. There is even a movie made from a book making it perfectly clear your date, partner or spouse is "just not that into you" written by 2 people who are 

comedians and write television shows.  I guess it is kinda funny so many of us are searching, researching, rethinking how to or what do or who knew finding a partner, companion, lover, best friend was gonna take so long. 

That internet download that promises the secret to what men really want is not a secret so save your money. 'Men Are from Mars. Women Are from Venus' .  So it really is Rocket Science. 

No worries . I am totally in to you! Have a great Thursday. kisses

Safety First

Hats for sun protection. Life preservers for water safety 

Happy first Thursday in June day school is out for summer, yeah! Things are gonna go your way all day I just know it.  My parents were always and forever safety conscious which as a kid I felt to be inconvenient, annoying even embarrassing at times.  Now I am ever so grateful.
Simple things like always wear boots and long pants to mow the yard.  I used to hate peeling off my sweat soaked jeans and boots so hot and heavy.  Until the day I was playing down the street and this barefoot boy missing three toes walked up.  One of us finally asked what happened to his toes and he said the lawn mower ran over his barefoot.  We all just starred at his foot for a few minutes-you know how kids are!

Young people today may not realize that in prehistoric times, before 1980 AE(After Elvis) safety belts were not required by law and most cars had them in the front seats only.  Getting thrown around the back was considered 'normal' and there was even a game called "Corners" where every one exaggerated the usual slipping and sliding when the car turned or stopped suddenly.  I heard stories around campfires of this game.
My parents required all car passengers to wear safety belts long before it was the law.  My Dad even purchased safety belts for the back seat of the family Rambler and installed them himself.  Possibly as a result of a bunch of kids in the back seat trying to play "Corners".

Remember having fire drills at school? I thought they were great because we got to go outside. Except for 4th grade cause I was in Mrs. Harrellson's class and we got yelled at for being the last class out. She never heard the bells-but that is another story.  One year my Dad decided to have an Avery family fire drill in the middle of winter after we had gone to bed. (while this would be totally random and unthinkable for most families I do not think us kids even questioned it)   Crawling out our bedroom windows in the dark of night was a little exciting and fun but standing in the front yard in my flannel feet pajamas and winter coat, our family lined up while Mom and Dad discussed where in the yard would be the best meeting place or should we all run to the neighbors house?  was just a little over the top embarrassing-'Please God let the Wilkeys be asleep. Please don't let any cars drive by right now. '

No longer mortified I am thankful for those memories and hope I thoroughly inconvenienced, annoyed and embarrassed my children. Have a fun in the sun summer and remember safety first! kisses

Obsessing

Happy belated May Day, hump day, middle of the week day.  Hope you are not hung over from the fifth day and if you are I hope you feel better and have a great day anyway.

I have spent the last 3 weeks with few exceptions in my home-just me, myself and I.  Rethinking, over thinking, always and forever what I could have handled better, should have realized sooner.  Still figuring out there are just some things, lots of things I will never figure out, never understand.  Finally it has dawned on me- It is okay to feel what I feel.  Sad for a moment, frustrated, confused, hurt, feeling kinda dumb, for a minute, 60 seconds, until the sand runs out and the egg timer dings.

 Apparently I was hitting the snooze button over and over, obsessing without feeling, stuck in a rut, like a gerbil on a squeaky wheel, not getting anywhere.  I realized by not letting myself feel hurt and sad and kinda dumb it kept me obsessing over the same old stuff.   Silly me.
Such a simple thing to finally realize.  It has taken some effort but I have my peaceful happy back.
Shit happens. Time marches on.  Life is full of change and I am making plans. kisses

First Grade Friends

Last month it was a shock to see a friend since first grade on Facebook in a hospital bed, a trach tube in her neck and ominous Physician reports full of gloom and doom. Prayers for Laurie. Her daughter, Dawna keeping us posted.

Was it not just last Summer we spent a whole week together in her little home? Her hubby out of town working. Both brand new Mom's. We never stopped talking, trading stories about Lamaze Class, labor and our one allowed 'support person'.  How many stitches we had and the difficulties with the hospital nurses to bring our babies often so we could breastfeed them. What a struggle!

I remember I so admired Laurie's determination to be a good wife and Mother.  We were only 19. I lived with my parents and while I was thankful for their help it sure was nice to spend a week 'on my own'. (Thank you best girlfriend, kindred spirit!)  Laurie took care of little Dawna 24/7 including all household duties by herself. I was amazed and learned a lot that week. 

We had fun listening to her turntable play Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show cause it was my favorite album at the time. We also felt very grown up sitting in her kitchen sipping General Foods International Coffee-Mocha I think was our favorite flavor. 

Our little girls will be 35 this year.  Does not seem possible. 

I am still amazed by Laurie. She actually made it out of the hospital and refused hospice. In her words 'I am going home to live!'  

Yes you are my friend. kisses and lots of prayers

Not Monday

Easter Sunday in the Avery household was anticipated and prepared for more than Christmas Day. My Dad, Pastor Avery, was fascinated and totally in awe of the whole Biblical event. While Mom put much energy into entertaining us kids, Easter baskets, dying eggs and most important our Easter Sunday attire.

Church events actually started the week before with Maundy Thursday service which took place on Thursday evening before the big Sunday. ( I thought it was Monday-Thursday for the longest time which was so confusing but I was confused a lot as a little kid) The men's group of Bethany Christian Church in Corpus Christi, Texas located on Gollihar Road,( cutest red brick church with a steeple and everything!) had traditional Last Supper with foot washing ceremony. Dad was very moved by this service-every year.  He had an understanding of God's word that was completely personal and his relationship with Jesus was very real. One year he even discouraged hunting eggs and such as he feared Easter was turning into a 'celebration of Spring' while the Spiritual meaning, celebration of Jesus resurrection, was losing priority, being 'phased out' as it were. I think our whole church abstained from hiding eggs, and banned Easter baskets that year.  I was around 10 or 12 and rolled my eyes in that teenager-y way, Good Grief! Why did my Dad have to be such a bummer? Gheez, 'chill out' Dad'! 

I was over joyed this week to attend Easter Sunday Services with my oldest daughter and her family. We attended a Methodist church that I think Dad would approve. Children had healthy fun fellowship hunting eggs before the service.  The celebration of Jesus resurrection started soon after with uplifting music, followed by the wise Pastor calling the children to the front for a personal conversation and discussion of the events and meaning of Easter. 

School Days are no longer Golden Rule days. Even when God's principles are presented God is seldom given credit. (Karma etc) Dad saw all this coming. Now I appreciate him giving me the heads up and sorry I rolled my eyes at you Dad. 

Easter is celebrated on Sunday, Maundy-Thursday is on Thursday, and I thank Jesus everyday for Christian parents 'that trained me in the way I should go, and when I am old I will not depart from it' 

Proverbs 22:6 KJV sorta Steffie paraphrased. 

I am not old yet...kisses

The Wilkey's and the Avery's

Sunny Sunday morning passed me by wearing sneakers leaving no time to waste as afternoon smiles but takes no breaks.  Sitting on my brown sofa, I reach to fine tune the digital clock radio, set to Classic Country KCWM (1460 AM) Hondo, Texas, USA., I pause to ponder the options-Pause button is for Snoozing, Rewind for movies and turning back clock numbers will only make me late for work. sigh Some things never change or so they say.  'They say'  so many things we want to hold onto but what I have observed is that every single thing changes.

Me, my younger sister and even younger brother were blessed to grow up in a small community, on a narrow street,  where no two wood frame houses were the same. Front lawns were a mix of carpet grass, sticker burrs and patches of deep green clover, hours occupied lazy afternoons looking for that four leaf to bring good luck.
From 1961 to this day the Wilkey's and the Avery's have been neighbors. Growing up we were so close, more like extra siblings or cousins than just neighbors. Same thing with our parents who sometimes seemed kinda interchangeable.  Us kids were fussed at for mischief no matter what our last name and parents backed each other up.  That particular sense of security and stability provided a strong foundation, kept us grounded.  

The eight Wilkey children grew up and mulitiplied as did us three Avery's.
Sadly Mr. Wilkey went to Jesus many years ago.

Mr. Avery, my Dad, went home 3 years ago. That left our Mothers, still neighbors, the Wilkey's and the Avery's connected by a worn foot path from our concrete front porch to their garage door-which was always open.
Sometime in the early twilight God called Mrs. Wilkey home, she passed from this world to the next surrounded by her loving family who cherished her so.  She had a strong Catholic faith that sometimes did move mountains, and I can only imagine the jewels in her crown.
'They say' our days are numbered.  'They say' only the rocks live forever.
 I hear this in my head but could someone please explain it to my heart?
I miss you already Mrs. Wilkey.  I am thinking we are probably already neighbors again in Heaven.

The Wilkey's and the Avery's.  kisses

Jetset Sunday

Sunday, January 4th, 2015, the very first Sunday starting the very first new week of a brand new year is here for just a few more hours.  

2015 for some reason feels a bit surreal for lack of a better word.  I keep thinking back to Flour Bluff ISD, Mrs. Trudy Morris lecturing our 6th grade class,   "You kids will probably see the turn of the next century", and adding up with all the fingers on both hands the age I would be in the year 2000.  I sat in awe, staring out the window of our classroom, overwhelmed as my imagination flashed vivid pictures, sorta like 'The Jetsons'  and would it be possible for me to even live that  long. 

Now here it is well into that new century.  I am 53 and still wondering what old will feel like while a part of me realizes my grandchildren probably think Nana is kinda old and a little crazy. 

I wonder if friends my age look around like I do and think "My parents seemed so much older, at this age, than I am now."? 

My Mom says, "Steffie, your mind does not grow old. Just your body."  

I guess that sums it up.  

Life is full of change.  

My perception of stability and how I should feel at this age has evolved greatly in the last few years. What I have figured out is there are just some things I will never figure out. 

I make it a point to tell my grandchildren how life was in the 1970's. Clothing, color schemes and the almost unbelievable differance in social norms, gender gap, and strict definition of family quite different from today.  Who knew? 

Kinda like both my Grandmothers and the stories they shared from the century before- and so it goes. 

The Jetson's are still furturistic and I still do not feel old.  

kisses