51

Holy Cow,  it is a hot, sweaty, sunny, Summer Saturday.  I have made myself comfortable on my sorta soft brown sofa, laptop on its name sake,  and central air conditioner doing what it does best.  I turned 51 a few months ago and aside from it feeling weird to say,  I am fine with it.  What causes me to feel the need to assess my psychological something or other is that I do not think I am ever gonna mature.  Now don't laugh, really.  When I look at other women my age they just seem so different from me, more, more, I don't know ... reserved, mature.  I thought turning 50 would bring on some kind of transformation in my overall behavior and how I react to life.  Now I am several months into 51 and nope, don't feel anything yet.  Well, don't think I want to spend all afternoon contemplating Psych 101. My id, ego and super ego will have to just go on winging it cause I gotta go jump in my pool nekked. Got a new hot pink swim doodle to try out.   Oopsey,  I mean-I am just wilting from the heat. My new one piece bathing suit, with the skirt needs breaking in and this rubber swim cap will protect my perm.    . Yeah, well,  nope, just can't .   Okay you guys,  skinny dipping at my house. Must be over 21 chronologically only !  kisses

Physical Fitness

Good Saturday Morning !  I was watching the opening ceremonies of the Olympics last night.  So fun to watch all the different countries representing athletes march in and see what they are wearing and such.  I tend to be passive to a fault and therefore equally non-competitive but parts of the Olympics are still fun for me to watch.  I remember in grade school PE class had us complete the President's Physical Fitness program or award or something, I forget.  Coach Perry had us complete a series of skills that were either timed, measured or scored and shouted out to the entire gymnasium in such a way as to humiliate me every year.   I think I was the most unathletic girl at Flour Bluff.  The very hardest skill for me was the chin up.  The idea was to lift yourself up on a bar above your head and hold your chin over it.  The required time to pass for me may just as well have been forever.  I would tell Coach Perry,  "Okay, don't blink!" .  That was about how long it took me to grab that bar and at least give it a try.  I really did try and it was so embarrassing cause I just never had any upper body strength.  Coach Perry would shake her head and look down "Avery!"      "Sorry, Coach Perry"  I would say, "ya want me to try again?  I will if you want but it will be worse this time cause now my arms are tired."           Coach Perry, "From what? I could not even time you it was so fast."    Me "Well, I told ya not to blink."      I'm sure kids like me were very frustrating to her.  She really tried to instill in us how important it is to be physically fit.  I think I was fit I just could not hold myself up on the horrid, rusty, cold bar.  (If your reading this by some chance Ms. Perry-I did even then and now think you are the best!)    It is early morning now and the bicycle event is on.     Have a super happy, sunny Saturday everybody.  kisses

Tadpoles & Ditches

Hope you have a Fun Friday !  It is a sun shiny, dragonfly, butterfly and yellow jacket kind of day.  Rain seems to multiply the insects and we have gotten some much needed down pours lately.  What I miss about rain is the tadpoles.  I don't think I have seen a tadpole in years.  Growing up our neighborhood had open ditches so when it rained the standing water grew tadpoles and all kinds of wonderful things.  I felt sorry for kids in neighborhoods with those awful concrete sidewalks.  They really missed out!  Our ditches were wonderful places to play all the way up and down our street and on both sides.  Most driveways had concrete drain pipes we could sit in for shade.  Some ditches were covered in green grass, magical clover, and so many different colorful wildflowers it would take my breath away.  The ditches that were all white sand, like the beach, were the ones that got the most play. Using old cups, bottles and a little water,  sandcastle kingdoms complete with moats and crawfish for pretend crocodiles were a source of pride,  pieces of cardboard were great to slide down on and the occasional  tunnel kept us busy all summer.  The year a few of the bigger boys dug the best tunnel ever, most of us little rascals could fit in it,  we all got a crash course in physics.  Seems that for some reason the street above gave way and an unlucky, in the wrong place at the wrong time passing vehicle cratered our sand cave.  We all made ourselves scarce when the nice man from the city visited our parents.  The day has sure gotten away from me. Gotta run.  kisses

Dancing by Myself

I just looked at my facebook friends list-299.  I always say I don't know anybody but I only friend those I know.  Way cool !  The other way cool and super fine , feelin' groovy part to that is - all those 299 people had to friend me back to be on my list.  299 that is a big Wow to me.  If you asked me I would say I don't even know 299 people, much less feel like they are friends but I went thru the list-yep, yep, I know her,  I remember where I met him, Oh yeah- I remember you !  Towards the end of my marriage and after I had to make a conscious decision to do things with me, myself and I.  It took much determination for me to get out by myself.  The thought of growing old alone with no possibility of parole-oh no-not for me-it was time to suck it up and realize life is full of change and to be happy, do fun stuff and have new adventures well,  I have to make it happen.    I will never forget the first movie I went to alone-That remake with John Travolta and Christopher Walken-Hairspray.  It felt so awkward in line with all those couples and 'girls nite out' groups.  It was really weird looking for a seat.  I panicked and walked almost blindly and just sat in a seat.  I think it took a few minutes for me to even look around.  So silly when I look back on it but that was really a huge, gigantic, swallow my pride, just keep my head up and act like this happens every day, cause I can Do This moment.  When the kids were grown and I started to go out to adult places (neighborhood bar) it was the same thing but multiplied by about ten hundred million.  Once again , hold my head up, look people in the eye (even though I would never remember the face due to hysterical blindness) radiate confidence-some 5 years or so later here I am.  Going to movies, stopping for a cold one, hey I own the juke box!  I am having so much fun and have actually met new people and made new friends.  I even dance by myself cause I love to dance and usually when I do, others join in.  They were just waiting so they did not have to dance alone.  I am not waiting.  Have a Happy Thursday !  kisses



 

Garden Hose

Happy Hump Day !  It is a really nice day outside.  The sun is shinning and for some reason on this July day there is even a cool breeze.  I grew up just a mile or two from Padre Island and the Laguna Madre was practically my backyard.  The Gulf breeze blew everyday and open windows with blowing curtains were a common sight.  Front doors were only locked when you went out of town and you always knew all your neighbors names.   Us kids used to have so much fun walking along the water picking up hermit crabs and watching the water birds.  Our Mom's taught us basically not to talk to or get in the car with strangers but there were no strangers in Flour Bluff .  Everyone waved hello and usually with a smile.  Fortunate for my family we had a full time Mom.  She would have kool-aid parties most summer days in the hot afternoon for all the neighborhood kids.  Those paper cups with brightly colored  flavors of kool-aid even sported ice which was so welcome after drinking out of the garden hose all day.  I kind of chuckle to myself as I write that as now days a parent would probably be reported for child abuse for telling their kids to drink out of the hose.  Times change I guess.  Gotta get outside now.  Hope you got to drink out of a garden hose when you were a kid-Builds character!  kisses

Tied up Tuesday

It is an hour and a half into a new day, Wednesday!  So glad Tuesday is over.  It was a Tied up Tuesday for me.  I was tied up in knots all day.  I so wish I was in that club.  You know, the one that every one else seems to be in that gets it.  I am so tired of feeling like I am in over my head and not even knowing what it is I am in.  I am too sleepy to sit on this sofa and ponder the deeper issues of my very superficial interpersonal relationships so  Good Nite Everybody.  Have a Happy Wonderful Wednesday.  kisses

U Take Care of U

I think some of that relationship advice I have been reading is starting to sink in.   I really do not like emotional turmoil any more than confrontation and drama in my life is just about unheard of.   That is till recently.  I am learning.  I can be taught!!  I was just telling one of my girlfriends 'you take care of you'.  I say that to my girlfriends a lot cause women tend to take care of everyone except themselves.  There in is where so much of my downfall lies, or at least according to 'Why Men Love Bitches'.   I think for me it is a way to keep control of my world.  I crave stability and that being so I tend to keep relationships very casual.  I do not move in with men and I do not allow them to live with me.  Who does that benefit anyway?  The man of course and if he leaves what is left behind?  Possibly bills,  if I were living with him then it might mean I was suddenly homeless not to mention the sense of loss and loneliness.  It is just to easy for a man to up and ditch a woman that he is not married to with little to no consequences to him.  I kind of make a joke of saying 'no I love you's' but I really think most looking for love singles out there throw that word much to easy.  It is starting to dawn on me that all those commitment phobe men I hear women complain about have nothing over on me.  That being said, I still  find myself doing too much.  Well, no more of that.  I have really been sorting out what it is and what kind of relationship I want.   I am learning to say no, take care of me and it is my world.  Maybe get a plaque of that cause I think a tattoo would be a little over kill, ya think?

Happy Sunny Sunday Day !

Good Sunday Morning.  It is really early but I am up.  Legend says, when you can't sleep at night, it's because you're awake in someone else's dream.  I have always called myself a night owl.  When I was a kid the rest of my family were early birds.  We had a very small house so I would go in the bathroom and lay on the floor, prop my legs up on the side of the bathtub and read.  My Mom seemed to understand and would check on me but usually did not make me go to bed.  Sometimes I would write, letters to pen pals, poems, short stories and even sometimes songs.  If I am in another's dreams I wonder who that is?   I kinda like the idea of that Legend as it has so many possibilities.  I was adopted so maybe my biological Mom, or maybe I have a sibling that knows about me.  I dream most nights.  I think my dreams could be adventure films!  They are so elaborate and full of action.  I caught a couple of my high school friends awake on facebook.  They are so funny.  One said she had to stay up so she would not be late to church or was it she needed to get some sleep for church?  The other said she had to bake a pound cake...just in case.  Well,  of course!  I think I am awake cause of my confrontation yesterday that I think caused me an anxiety attack.  Not something I am very familiar with as I have people tell me all the time I am too calm.  Whatever that means.  But evidently in crisis situations when others would freak out, push the panic button or show devistation.... I do not.  I can handle situations its confrontation with people that rattle me.     Oh well,  that's okay.  It's a new day now and I really like Sunday's.  I hope you have a Happy Sunny Sunday Day!  kisses

List-What do I want?

When I was married I thought I knew what it was I wanted-that story book fantasy I thought was real but was not and never has been realistic.  You know like the Cleavers or the Nelsons.  Silly to think of now.  No freaking wonder I was so unhappy, my poor ex somehow put up with me for all those years. Lately I have been thinking about what it is I do want cause I keep saying I don't know what I want and I don't know what I am doing.  I think it is about time to figure that out.  There are lots of internet sites that address relationships.  I have read them all.  Not really all but I have spent some time and money collecting information.  If that sounds kinda dumb that is just me.  You know it seems to me like  everyone else just seems to know what to do.  Like relationships and life decisions just come naturally or they just instinctively 'Know'.  I always feel like I need something written down, a concrete list or set of rules that tell me what comes next.  Like the script for the Nelsons or the Cleavers. (hey, it worked for them)  There are a few basic threads I have found in that material that I wrote down. #1. Love me first.  - That is a hard one for me cause I am a Mom and Grandmother and former wife and I learned in Sunday School, in fact those Sunday School teachers drilled in our heads to always put ourself last.  #2. Stick to my own life and routine when dating. - Do you see the way this is going?  It is all about ME.  Such a foreign concept from  the way I was brought up, or at least the way I understood it.  Life is about change and I am doing a lot of that lately.  Think I will start another list.... kisses

I Hate Confrontation

Hope you had a nice Saturday day and are looking forward to Saturday nite!  This may sound a little off but I so identify with that dinosaur in "Toy Story".   My kids had the plastic talking toy of him and one of his phrases was "I hate confrontation".  That is me over and over.  I can deal with 'things'  that happen pretty well.  I have even been told I handle things too well if that is possible.   But make me have to confront a human, even on the phone,  and I will do just about anything to avoid it.  Life being what it is and I being what I am sometimes confrontation is unavoidable.   Even what others may see as a pleasant confrontation to me can be very uncomfortable.  I don't know why this is and since I am told I am a friendly person it just does not make sense.  I guess it does not have to make sense it is just the way I am.  I guess we all have our little idiosyncrasies and that is sure mine, goes along with my difficulty in saying no.  I was thinking today,  my close little circle of friends are people that are strong willed and protective.  Gee, I wonder how that happened?   I do like to think of myself as independent but I guess I kind of blow that out of proportion.  I could not make it without my friends.  They have my back!  I don't know if they maybe sometimes chuckle at me but when I need someone all I  do is ask.  They know how I am.  If it is just to go, or to stand beside me or to step in and take over, 'they got me' .  It sure is a good feeling.  Time gets away from me on these long Summer days.  Gotta jet.  kisses

Happy Day before Friday day

Happy Happy Day before Friday day!  I love Thursdays.  I get excited for Friday on Thursday and I just love anticipation.  Friday around this part of Texas usually means Karaoke at the smaller bars.  I like it when Karaoke has a separate area.  That way I have some choice plus my very favorite thing is the juke box.  Now I will sing to the juke box all day long.  I love it when the whole bar joins in a fun song everyone knows.  Reminds me of sing a longs at my Dad's church except with beer,  lots of drunk people and no Hymnal.  But otherwise pretty similar.  Thursday is that day I start wrapping up what ever I had planned for the week.  Realize that most things will have to be put off till the next week and start picking out what I will wear Friday nite and does my hair need coloring? pedicure?  These are important issues that cannot be put off till Friday.  I love to have fun and weekend fun for me usually goes better with a little planning.  Is sure is a nice day outside.  The trees branches are busy in the breeze. I do hear distant thunder but sun is shinning for now.  I'm gonna have a great day I can tell...cause I'm a Joker,  I'm a smoker,  I'm a mid-night toker, I get my lovin' on the runnnn. kisses

Oh Wise One

Hope you had a beyond great day!  I had a wet Wednesday but this is Texas so I am not complaining.  We need the rain.  I was texting one of my young friends a few minutes ago.  He is in a situation that I saw coming and talked to him about some months ago.  You know, older and wiser.  That made me remember an older wiser man enlightening me one Summer.  No, not strawberry wine or that kind of thing.  I was at my BFF's grandparents house helping to wash dishes after supper.  We were all of 13 years old, very mature (we thought), and liked to have discussions about why our parents treated us like we were children.  Good Lord!  We were so silly.  I told her how whenever I got injured my Dad would get very angry with me.  This really hurt my feelings.  I truly thought he was more concerned about having to pay for a trip to the ER or disrupting his activities then he was about my personal tragedy.  This had hurt my relationship with him and I was having a hard time understanding how he could be so cold.  PawPaw (he let me call him that too) was sitting at the kitchen table looking at the newspaper.  He looked up and said,  'Steve' (he called me that since I was named after my Dad, save that story for later) 'sometimes a man will show anger to hide his fear'.   Wow!   That bit of wisdom changed my whole attitude and smoothed out a huge rift that was growing between my Dad and I.     Sometimes now when I hear young ones taking I like to throw out little bits of wisdom I have learned thru the school of hard knocks.  Hey, ya never know,  maybe something I say will click and prevent some grief.  Nice thought anyway.  Sweet Dreams. kisses

Trippy Tuesday

Good Morning, Good Morning.  I got up early to start working on a resume.  I am wanting to do something different.  I loved my chosen career when I first got out of school some 24 years ago and even now it's not that I hate it-I am just ready for a change.  But what to do, what to do??  The internet is full of suggestions, friends, neighbors and even strangers put in their 2 cents but I am still at a loss.  Currently my bank account is looking rather sad so I have to do something to bring in some cash.  Donate Plasma, rent my truck(there is a web site for that!),  waitress (have never done that).  I am gonna do it!  I am gonna do all those crazy things I have never done cause if I don't then I will find myself right back where I was and I am so done with that.  Sun is fully shining and birds are talking and what kind of insect is it that sounds like they are harmonizing and trying to entertain an audience in the next county?  I hope they all sing and talk forever.  I love hearing them.  I just wish I knew what they were saying.  I think it might be important.  Have a Trippy Tuesday.  kisses

Life Spice

Hope you had a very nice and productive Monday.   One of my children came to town for a visit today.  I have not seen her in about 5 months.  I had started losing weight before that but have lost a good bit since I saw her last.  I really needed to lose but I can't say I really had a specific diet plan.   I did visit a diet clinic for a few months but mostly I have just been so busy getting my house built and doing physical labor I am not used to the pounds have just melted off.  It feels really good and I have more energy now but add it to all the other changes in my life and lordy!  When I came into the room my daughter took a minute to even hug me.  She could not get over how different I looked.  I know how she feels.  I look at my hands and think 'are these really mine?' .  I think that is so funny.  My hands look different even to me.   It I think is also interesting all the comments I get from people.  One comment I hear is I have lost too much and looked better with the extra pounds.  According to the weight charts 'they' put out I am still in the overweight category.  I feel good right now and I'm thinking the weight chart is another one of those 'they' say things we should take with a grain of salt.   I was entirely too heavy but if people are being truthful when they say I looked better with the extra pounds I guess that is nice.  I sure was self-conscious at that weight.  So funny how we see ourselves and what others think may be very different.  I truly think part of all the comments are because my appearance is a change.  I think most of us have a little difficulty with change in any form.  I was at a fast food restaurant texting one of my friends telling him I was so tired of fast food.  He said get something on the menu you have never tried.   Duh!  It hit me!  I always get pretty much the same thing when there is really quite a variety of other things to chose from.  There I go again.  Same ol' Same ol'.   I think I am starting to get that saying we have all heard "Variety is the spice of life".    I like spice.  Sweet dreams everybody.  kisses

Old Life New LIfe My LIfe

Woody Guthrie (July 14,1912-Oct. 3, 1967

Good Sunday Morning.  I have been saying for a couple of months, 'I just want my life back'.  It has been kinda slowly hitting me over the last few days I cannot get my old life back. Everything has changed, my children have moved out and on, I have a new house, relationships are evolving, my career is even in limbo.  Now change is inevitable unless your dead or so boring you should be.  I like to think I am always up for change and a challenge but my life has had so many changes in the last year and a half I am rather overwhelmed.   I have learned a thing or two and I am still trying to make sense of the rest.  There is I think a fine balance between being a passive peace lover, don't take life too seriously, fun loving,  why can't we be friends  AND doormat, mushroom, here is my bank account for you to party with I don't really need it.   What is that saying, Out with the Old, In with the New?  Not sure that really fits either.  I just feel like some days I cannot make another decision...about anything...ever....or well,  what do you think?   These are the times I am thankful despite all the chaos I am pretty grounded.  I think my parents had something to do with that and all my life long Flour Bluff friends.  Love you guys,  it is a beautiful day outside.  kisses              "Life has got a habit of not standing hitched.  You got to ride it like you find it. You got to change with it. If a day goes by that don't change some of your old notions, for new ones, that is just about like trying to milk a dead cow."~Woody Guthrie       (one of my hero's)

Have A Happy Harley Day!

Good Morning Good Morning!  It is just getting daylight.  I hear the birds talking and its raining again.  I have the local news on and one of the first stories I hear is about a motorcyclist killed earlier.  I look up and my heart skips a beat.  I recently have made a few new friends at the 90 West Bike Stop .  I have to say Harley's sure are fun and the men that ride them have a certain appeal that I think would not be the same if they were to pull up in a random SUV or Smart car.  I know I know, but it's true!  It is not just a ride, it is a way of life for them.  Knowing a Biker is knowing the sound of his bike, each has a distinct rumble.  I have yet to see two Harley's exactly the same. Body style, tires, paint job, chrome all seem to be custom and part of his personality and as such constantly evolving.  I so enjoy my new friends and since it is raining and the news is scaring me....Please Please use your mirrors and turn your head when you change lanes.  Even the biggest Harley is no match for a four wheeled vehicle.  My coffee is getting cold.  Safe travels.  kisses

Nite Thunder

Nite Thunder and Day Thunder are very different to me.  Day thunder is not scary, it's just noisy.  Nite thunder on the other hand has an ominous feel to it.  When clouds are covering the moonlight or even more spooky when you can kinda see thru them my imagination can run wild.  I am not afraid of the thunder itself but I wonder if maybe sometimes it is a transport for evil things.  All that deep, rolling, feel it in your toes rumble must be something more than just hot air or whatever they taught us in Science class.  When I was a kid my little sister would crawl in bed with me and say "It's okay Steph, I'll sleep with you so you won't be scared".   When my kids were young I would go to their rooms and tell them, "it's okay, Mommy will sleep with you so you won't be scared".  When I started writing this whatever rides on the thunder must have been really cracking the whip.  But now it is raining and those riders with flaming spurs and baritone voices  are escaping by their lightning pathway.  Like a chalk drawing on the sidewalk that image just washes away and how silly of me.  Everyone knows thunder is just God bowling.  Right?  kisses  

Good Sunday Morning.    Have you ever run into someone that had been away for a while and at that moment realized hey, I might have missed them?  That happened to me yesterday.  I got so happy and was so glad they went out of their way to come over to my house to visit.  Now I did have other people over so that did make more of a draw...But still, it was nice to get that warm fuzzy feeling.  The older I get the more I appreciate those that come into my life.  You know like they say,  'everyone has a story'. I am so amazed at some of the things my friends have had to endure.  The strength of character & spirit it took to over come, escape and build a life.  Drug , alcohol dependency, abusive relationships, abusive parents,  physical injuries, mental illness.  What causes me to pause is it seems like those that have had the very hardest, life altering or just plain tragic past are the least likely to complain, judge, or spend any waking moment idle.  I like to think I can learn from them without having to experience all that hardship for myself.  Why is it in our human nature or maybe it is something taught to be judgmental in the first place?  I know I tend to be very judgmental and have to work at appreciating what is out of my very sheltered point of view.  My spirit feels at peace when I am more of a free thinker instead of wasting precious energy putting others into categories.  I gotta get outside.  It's a beautiful  sun shiney day and maybe someone I have not seen in a while will drop by!   kisses

Fools Gold

It's early Saturday morning and I cannot sleep cause my mind won't stop talking to me.  It seems like the issue of  being a single woman has been a big one recently.   I think the power of two is a strong one and I don't take it lightly.  It's been 9 years I think.  That timeline is rather blurred for me.  I guess another reason for my small world - I get easily overwhelmed.  So easy for me to kind of shut down and only deal with what I pick and chose.   Sometimes in trying to shield my heart I focus on bizarre dark and maybe irrational fears.  I would much rather deal with monsters under my bed than deal with tricks played on my heart.  My PawPaw used to tell me, "Steffie, always beware of Fools Gold."  The trouble I have found with that is people do not have an 18 or 24 karat stamp on them.  How am I to know who is real?  Or am I making it harder than it is?  In my world everyone is 18 or 24 karat gold.  So when someone in my world hurts me it is very difficult for me to move on.  (Whatever that means anyway.  Move on where?) I tend to focus on something other than my heart feelings, like some other aspect of events.  I hate to cry.  I mean cry cause my feelings are hurt.  I barely acknowledge it even to myself and crying is done alone in my car.  I don't know what I am so afraid of except the ghosts in my head.  I keep saying hurtful things trying to fill the hole in my sky.  That just makes the hole bigger.  Was way to used to my quiet life when even the thought of love was asleep.  Just thinking one wrong move is gonna sell me out.  Maybe lets just be friends...first.   Wow, dawn if finally here.  Think I'll make some coffee and start my happy day. kisses

How will you know??

I say a lot , ya gotta try new things cause if you don't how will you know...?  How will you know if it is horrifying,  exciting, crazy fun or the most beautiful thing you have ever done?  This is mostly in reference to things out of my comfort zone.  I try not to spend too much time on 'what if's'.  The whole first part of my life, the part before I can remember is just full of 'what if's'.  What if my biological Mom would have kept me?  What if the foster family had of adopted me? What if my parents would not have been checking on their adoption application at the very time my foster parents were putting one in to adopt me?  My life would have been completely different, even my name would have been changed to protect the innocent.  Now, sometimes I have gotten wayyyy out of my comfort zone and decided I could have lived the rest of my life with out that!  But I did it and now I know.

A little wisdom

I talked to my one and only Aunt earlier today.  Ever since my first memories of her I have just felt like she is the wisest most intuitive woman on earth.  When I was a little kid I just could not take my eyes off of her.  She radiated confidence, class and lots of love, plus she is just beautiful.   She has never let me down yet.  I only gave her a very rough, superficial draft of the craziness that has been my life for the last 8 months.  She listened, asked a few questions then I felt it, knew it was coming..."Steffie, you know all that happened because you doubted yourself, and I know you are way too smart for that.  Look at all you have accomplished in your life.  I don't want you to ever doubt yourself again."              Thank you Aunt Pat for acknowledging that and telling me exactly what I needed to hear.  I am so blessed you are my Aunt.  nite all, kisses

Happy July 4th

Happy 4th of July.  This day makes me think about my Dad and his fellow WWII buddies.  He served in the Navy and his ship was actually part of a Coast Guard fleet.   He had started going to his shipmates reunion several years before he passed away.  What a magnificent and humble group of men.  I felt in awe of these guys.  I tried thanking them for their service and they say, "we didn't do anything, the ones to thank are the ones we left there".  What a statement.  They really feel that way.  These men do not ask for anything,  have never had their hand out and do not understand what all the fuss is about. They are proud American men.  They believe in God and country and as men protecting those they love.  Did you know according to the Veterans Administration we lose about 740 WWII veterans a day?  We are losing a great generation plus all that history.  There are web sites and all kinds of people working fast and furious to record their stories.  If you know a veteran from that era, go ask them to tell you a story and let them know they are appreciated way more than can be expressed!  kisses  

Heart, on/off

Sometimes I wish I had an on/off switch for my heart, or maybe just an off switch.  The on seems to work independently of my intellect.   I wonder sometimes is it my heart, or a spirit thing, or just chemistry that bonds me to someone.  Is it that sometimes chemistry is something different from feelings in my heart?  Is it possible to have chemistry with someone but not really have them in your heart?  Once someone is in your heart and hurts your feelings over and over why does that not turn off the chemistry, or spirit thing or make your heart turn off?  I guess this is one of those things 'I will never understand' .  I just know I get really weary of the negative, the feelings that well up inside and take over my every thought until concentration is impossible.            I hear the birds waking up.  It's a new day!  Good Morning Good Morning.  Hope your coffee is hot and your off to a good start.  kisses

What's on tonight

When I was a little girl I thought television was just the greatest invention ever.  I could get lost in those silly shows.   I would ask my Dad, "what's on tonight?"  and he would always respond  "the moon and the stars".   I can still hear his voice and see his face.  He would take us kids outside and point out the Big and Little Dipper.  We would all marvel at the moon and Dad would talk about where it was in its cycle, full moon, half moon, piece of pie.  We did get to watch TV but my Dad just wanted us to appreciate and possibly be as amazed as he was at God's creation.          There is a big beautiful moon out.  Thanks Dad,  I know what's on tonight.  kisses                                                            

Sunshine Monday

Sunshine and hugs,  Afternoon friends!   I see lots of posts on facebook about how everyone hates Monday's.  I love Mondays.  It seems like most every job I have ever had I have Monday's as a usual day off.  Let me tell ya, Monday is a great day to have off.  Traffic is the least on that day for some reason.  Mall shopping is actually bearable cause hardly anyone is there.  No crying kids,  no waiting in lines and the sales people are worn out from the weekend so they don't bother me either.  If I head to the National Seashore on Padre Island I have the whole beach to myself.  Sunbathe nekked?  I'm not telling.  Today it is a super sunny breezy Monday.  I am about to hit the streets and see what mischief I can find.  If you can get away for your lunch hour get outside.  We all need sunshine.  Silly 'they say' have everyone scared to death of a little sun.  Now everyone has a vitamin D deficiency.  I will save that for another day.  kisses

Kindred Spirits

Good Sunday Morning.  A new week to start new things, have new dreams, and find more mischief.    I have had a good week.  Seems like the right people just seem to show up at the right time with all the right stuff!   I am so blessed to have so many kindred spirits around me.  That is what I call those who have come into my life and are instantly in my heart, like we have known each other for years.  One such person I have not even met in person.  I had another friend like that for a few years but we finally got to meet.  My parents taught me that there was no such thing as reincarnation.  Sure would explain a lot.  One thing I do know,  our spirits know each other, whether or not from a past life or before we were born.   My BFF from junior high and I  sometimes laugh about why we are even friends.  We have always had such different lives and really do not spend all that much time together but we are soul mates.  We will be friends forever, no matter what and I hope we die on the same day cause I cannot imagine life without her.  I think there are some out there with no soul, or heart or whatever it is that connects you to others.  I try really hard to steer clear of them, they are usually fairly easy to spot.  I have started to wonder lately if they maybe travel in pairs or packs or something. I know that sounds crazy but you know how sometimes weird or yucky situations just seem to pile up.  I can't dwell on it, too much of a bummer.  Just add it to the 'some things I will never understand' list.  Those kind of people are so hurtful.   Moving on....   the birds are starting to wake up.  Maybe I can catch the sunrise. kisses