Bulletproof Reinforced Safety Glass

Saturday daylight will soon be dawning as I sit on my brown sofa. Awake and thankful for my solitude so rare these days. So much so the evening darkness brought with it the oppresive non-productive anxiety I thought I had banished with moving up and on. Apparently I am not so smart as I think I am or at least not as in control. That's okay. I recognized the antsy feeling that escalates to 'gotta go, gotta go' (not sure where), bewildered at how my heartbeat seems to suddenly sync up with a bluetooth thumping louder than my iTunes speaker. Is it really audible?? 

I was looking forward to this evening and it is all good now and I have actually gotten some things accomplished. What unseen force breaks the glass and pushes my private panic button is a mystery unsolved but recognizing the false alarm makes all the difference. Among other things I repeat to myself , "This is only a feeling. It can't hurt me no matter how scary it feels and it will go away in a few minutes".  Then I make myself do something productive-easy but productive. I know some use medication but I am more scared of the many numbing side effects and need for more of them causing increased loss of personal control. Loss of true emotion, loss of natural highs and lows. In other words, No grit and No grins! 

 Life is full of change and I wanna feel it. Even if it makes me uncomfortable for a bit.  Strength is gained learning to replace panic with my own peace, God's peace. Jesus is the Prince of Peace. 

Thank you Lord for getting me through these times. Could you maybe make it bulletproof, reinforced safety glass over my hypersensative panic button from now on? You know best Lord. Amen

Natural highs and natural lows. Grit and grins. 

On and on and so it goes. kisses