Both Sides Now

Watch "Joni Mitchell - Both Sides Now (Live, 1970)" on YouTube
My Dad bought a red and black 6 string acoustic guitar, in the early 1970's,  for $12 from Gibsons, a long gone discount store in Corpus Christi, Texas.  His desire at the time was to learn to play  but a preacher with a full time job, young children and wife with an infinite honey do list had no time for such things.  I thought that instrument protected by the corrigated cardboard box it came in was beautiful.  I opened it up and softly strummed every chance I got.  I suppose Dad realized one day or just kinda made the choice that guitar lessons for him were too far down on the list of priorities. I was so excited my wildest dream had come true the day he told me I could take guitar lessons.  If I practised and kept it up he would give me his beautiful red and black acoustic guitar.  It makes me a little sad to think about now.   I loved playing and could figure out the chords to most any song.  I had a guitar cause Dad let go of his dream to play for his church.  His God,  family, friends, neighbors,  had to be tended to first.  I could pick out chords and even wrote a few of my own songs because the nice hippie college student next door patiently taught me how, only to have his life cut tragically short attempting to bring his friends some marijuana, a stupid plant that relieves nausea, causes random giggles, inner peace and makes a great rope.  I remember like it was yesterday sitting indian style on my twin bed, my long hair parted down the middle and braided,  in the room I shared with my sister, matching flower power sheets, struming my guitar, singing Joni Mitchel's song, Both Sides Now, to the life size Bobby Sherman poster taped to the back of our bedroom door. 
Fast forward several decades and  it feels a little surreal to say out loud I have a granddaughter the same age I was back then.  I wish I could be there with her to celebrate all of life's bountiful blessings and sheild her from the great losses that always seem to follow.  I feel like I should have great words of wisdom instead of more questions.  'It's life's illusions I recall. I really don't know life...
at all'.  

Good Night

I am not a city girl just a small town girl.  I am a country girl but not a farm girl.  My favorite address is a numbered county road far from street lights, stop lights and too many headlights.  The city can keep their services.  I do just fine with a septic tank and water well.    City friends of mine look at me with wide eyes and furroughed brows "Aren't you afraid out there by yourself?"   Well I do keep an eye out for rattlesnakes and I shake my boots to dump out the scorpions each morning.  I keep my gate closed so the occational solicitor and Jehova Witness ladies do not waste their time on this broke, Jesus loving, preacher's daughter.  I am by myself but I never feel alone.  The night sky twinkles with friendly stars.  Moonshine is my most favorite form of light.  That sort of blue mystical glow illuminates so brightly during a full moon no flashlight needed.  I call my 100 pound dog inside so momma skunk and her cute babies can hunt insects in peace. 
Day is done, gone the sun on my small world.   Good night friends. Sweet dreams. kisses
photography by Deborah Krause

Not By the Color of Your Skin

In the early 80's I was in my early 20's.  Old enough to have read about Rosa Parks in history class, heard about Martin Luther King Jr. on the evening news, lived thru school bussing although it did not affect my school district, and watched every episode of the television mini series 'Roots' which made me cry.  But it was a moment in 1981, the black/white thing, racism,  got real for me.  This was not a book I was reading, the evening news or a prime time show.  I was waiting to purchase a Coke and a hot dog smothered in homemade chilli, simmering in a crock pot on the counter of a Mom and Pop gas station, convience store, outside a small town in South Carolina. I was last in a short line, behind a white man, a white woman and in front of us all a slight young black man, about my age at the time I think.  I barely caught the cashier out of the corner of my eye wave the young man aside but  I can still hear her voice in my mind, so flat and cold "wait", she said to him, or in his general direction, he shuffled to the right, eyes on his shoes.  I was puzzled.  He must want a lot of hot dogs so she is gonna cash us out first I reasoned to myself.  The line went fast, my turn. I looked at him and said,  "You go ahead and go. I want a hot dog too". He did not look up, just mumbled something about 'she' and motioned me ahead. She said something like 'he knows' .  Which made no sense to me at all.  I made my purchase and moved slowly on the plain concrete floor towards the wooden double doors with layers of green chipped paint and that thick metal sceeen over the pane of plate glass you do not see any more,   determined to figure this out. Something was just not right.  Turns out the only thing that young man purchased was a pack of cigarretts.  I got weak, and felt kinda sick.  I had an overwhelming desire to apologize to him but he was gone.  Walked lightening fast right passed me, left the worn wooden doors swinging.  I will never be able to wrap my mind around how in my United States of America, Land of the free, Home of the Brave, the great melting pot, if your not Native American you are from somewhere else, racism was ever accepted and apparently so even in 1981.  Today is the 50th anniversary of Martin Luther King Jr's ' I Have a Dream' speech.  So much to think about.  Hope you have a great day- judged not by the color of your skin. kisses

God Bless the School Year

It is the last weekend of Summer break, vacation time,  stay up late and sleep till noontime, not having to keep up with time, that time has come and gone once again.    In the 1960's and most of the 70's school started, here in Texas anyway,  after Labor Day.   We stood beside our desk every morning, placed our hand over our heart and proudly said the pledge of allegance to our country's flag.  A prayer was said, to God, our Lord,  over the intercom, thanking Him for our many blessings and asking for a safe happy day.  Getting expelled  was rare and alternative school I do not think even existed.  The alternative was to behave or get paddled by the Principal.  We learned how to read, proper handwriting, arithmetic, art, English grammer,  and physical education.  When the classroom behavior seemed to escalate with nervous energy our wise teachers took us outside for recess. A game of Red Rover, jumping rope, or putting  a 45 record on the turntable while the whole 2nd grade made a long line around the square to do the Bunny Hop was just the ticket.  I know times have changed for good, bad or indifferent.  I just want young people to know how it was, the way we were, and that it was good.  God bless the new school year. kisses

No Time for TV

It is the night before Friday night.  Friday eve!  I am watching my flat screen digital TV with rabbit ears statigically perched on a bar stool and a carton of salt supporting the wire for optimal reception.  I have said before I refuse to pay for TV.  I think my money should be spent on things with some meaning or actual necessities.  Most of TV is just so mindless and seems to encourage complacency.  When I was a teenager and later as a young Mother I knew what time it was by what show was on television.  I watched daytme soap opras from 11am till the last one ended at 3pm.  One day it just dawned on me my fun little children were growing up fast.  They were entertaining themselves while I tuned them out to be part of a fantasy world.  What was I thinking?  Well, that is just it I was not thinking at all and teaching my precious, smart children to do the same.  I stopped watching or caring about all those soaps and spent the Summer taking my children and any neighbor young ones that could get permission to the park.  Not just any park but Landa park in New Braunfels, Texas. There was a river, glassbottom boat, paddle boats, swimming, playgrounds, lots of wildlife and a wonderful train that circled the park. We all rode it at least once a week. Money well spent.  We made fun memories.  My girls now take my grandchildren to the local park and I hope those neighbor children I lost touch with do the same for their little ones. Summer break is almost over for this year.  Hope you had some fun...in a park! kisses

VBS

Happy hump day, Wednesday, blazing bright blue sky,  middle of the week day.  Birds are busy taking care of bird business and insects are creating a new harmonic organic rock opra just for me!  Two weeks out of every Summer in the late 1960's and early 1970's the ladies of Bethany Christian Church in Corpus Christi, Texas put their heart, soul and lots of elbow grease into  preparing  age appropriate Bible lessons, (my favorite was the book of Ruth. The book of Job I thought was horrifying and not age appropriate for anyone!) organizing volunteer, groovy, teenagers to keep the young ones busy with games like Duck, Duck  Goose, preparing daily homemade church lady fancy sandwiches, car pools and clean up for the once a year Vacation Bible School.  I think now it would be referred to as church day camp.  Back then there were enough stay at home Mom's and Grandmothers to pull off such a huge wonderful blessing for all the neighborhood children.   Most of those ladies have passed on and I believe are enjoying lots of jewels in their crowns.  I still remember those Bible verses...well some of them.  I sure do treasure the memories.  kisses
Photography by Deborah Krause

I Don't Like Lizards & Snakes

It is trippy Tuesday and another sweaty hot, 100 and something degree Summer day here in Texas.  Yesterday one of those long lizards that resemble a snake scuttled under the door of the store I work in,  as a  male customer entered.  He was nice enough to let me know and point it out.  It was wriggling snake like along the wall and I reacted like I have since I was a little girl. I screamed and tried to jump up on the counter.  ( picture it- I am 50 something)  Thank God he was a nice country man and offered to help me sweep Mr. snakey lizard back outdoors.  He took the broom from me with a chuckle since every time I got close and the lizard went to running I went to screaming and jumping around.  I thanked him for making my work environment once again safe and scream free. We both got a laugh.  I have given up even trying not to act terrified by lizards and snakes. My screams and avoidance reactions just seem to be involuntary.  But I think it is kinda fun to know the opposite sex no matter what age never tire of getting a kick out of it.    Like Mom always said, " Steffie, boys and girls are very different".  
Hope you have a terrific, trippy Tuesday!   kisses

Unkind Grade School Stuff

Happy super sweaty hot, sunshine Summer far out, Friday. I have noticied the last few years network news uses stories of grade school kids being unkind to each other with increasing frequency.  I remember such stuff happening even in my small friendly school.  In 6th grade this one girl had a bad odor and the boys would make embarrassing comments just loud enough for her to hear. I felt bad for her. I hope I never joined in that behavior. I do not remember ever doing it. Anyway, I decided to try and be friends with her.  She actually invited me over so I rode the school bus home with her one day.  Turns out she lived in a small, run down,  not air-conditioned,  apartment with her Mom.  She seemed relieved to confide in me they had no place to wash clothes. Her Mom was at work the whole time I was there.  This sweet friendly girl came home every day with no Mom to greet her or have dinner and she had to wear dirty clothes.  I think if the boys knew that they would not have teased her.  She swore me to secrecy about her situation.  She moved away shortly after and I sometimes think of her and I so hope she grew up and has a nice comfortable life.  I hope you are having a comfortable, fun, sunshine Friday.  kisses